In the end, I found myself

Until now I'd lost all hope

I felt my limbs flail and give way

To things I believed were out of my control

My heartbeats pounded in unison

With the veins writhing in my temples

Thoughts muddled, I dragged myself forward

A swarm of bees captivated my fuzzy brain

Nothing was clear, blurred lines marred my consciousness

Those were days I questioned

Whether I was a mere form of existence

Rushing through life because I had to,

Carrying myself forward just for the sake of people

Alive and breathing, but far from living

For without hope, my future was as bleak

As my tormented present

Confidence hid beneath shadows

Of disappointment and denial

Slowly sucking my spirit, 

A black-hole tugging at my sanity

Depriving me of the satisfaction

Of believing in myself, my abilities

Self doubt mirrored truths -

False reflections of lies I forged -

Lies I believed, more than I did in myself

For I was the key instrument

In the tragic melody of my failures

That held me in it's vice-grip

Refusing to let go, dragging me further 

Into an abyss of questions

I needed answers to

But received none,

For the only person who could 

Was the one staring back at me

With empty eyes,

Every morning from a hazy mirror.

Until now, I'd lost all hope

Time took it's course,

I pushed myself to forget

All that was

And began to look forward to

All that could be

A fresh start, a new identity

One that stayed true to 

My best virtues

Yet, shunned my destructive insecurities

A deep breath, a clean slate

Belief in all that I'd stopped believing in

I strove to become better

To go back to becoming the person I once was

The person I longed to meet again

A pinch of self confidence can go a long way 

Is one of the hardest lessons I've ever learnt

Until now I'd lost all hope,

But somehow in the end, 

I found it 

And vowed never to let go

I regained control of my mind

Clarity reigns over my senses

The girl staring back at me from the mirror

Has a smile plastered on her face,

The sunlight dances on her wandering eyes

And finally, it feels like she never left

For she found herself

The moment she found what she had lost

Hope.