I think you should tell everyone close to you. Cry, scream, word and reword your feelings until they listen and help you get help.

I can't give you a reason to live; I can't tell you why your life is worth living. No-one here can. You have to find your own reasons.

All I can tell you is that you are asking for help, and that's a good sign. Chances are you will survive it. You've got to hold on. Whatever it takes. Please.

Suicide isn't something anybody wants. What you want and what everyone wants when they consider it, is relief from pain. But you don't get that relief when you die, because relief is a feeling. You don't feel anything when you die. You're just gone. It's a forever solution to problems that you can fix, or will resolve with time and patience. I promise, that whatever it is you're going through, will not last forever. Your death will. When you die, all you will ever be again is dead. That's it. No going back.

But this pain, your hopelessness; it will ease. I know. I've been there. Many of us have. Please reach out.

Metanoia.org helped me a lot when I felt like you feel. Please reach out.