What more can 2021 bring?
I gave it all that I had but it wasn’t enough
I married so young and I knew it’d be tough
But they don’t teach you the skills to take care of yourself
Or that marriage can truly impact on your health
The first year started out with a rocky beginning
By the end, my pregnancy had both of us grinning
The second flew by with some struggles as well
We were such happy parents but going through hell
We decided to move country to start a new life
So we moved to Australia, just to be faced with new strife
Our income was low but we loved life and each other
By the third year we had started to bag one another
Suddenly, there was a side to this man I had not seen
He would cuss, get angry and had started to be mean
Yes life was stressful and moving at a slow pace
But that’s life, and these times you’re supposed to embrace
Life moves so damn fast and the years fly on by
When I look back at the years I just sit there and cry
We had such an opportunity, such a big chance
And we let it slip by, without even a glance
We were just so caught up on the trivial things
So we never addressed any of our bad feelings
We let them fester until they would explode
I would hold in my feelings, god I thought I’d implode
You were scary to confront, I feared how you’d react
Would you yell or be broody, planning your counterattack
You could never take criticism not even from me
But you were always telling me how communication is key
You want to know what I’m thinking, and why I am so sad
But you don’t understand that you’ve driven me mad
One second you’re fine, and then the next you’re not
You switch randomly between freezing and hot
So that sums up the fourth year and most of the fifth
Have another child they said, don’t you know they’re a gift?
Well I had another but it didn’t do much
Except trap me even more in this marriage of such
Towards the end of the fifth that’s when all hell broke loose
When your mental health crashed from the workplace abuse
I pretty much raised our kids alone for that year
But I suck as a mum, from you, I did hear
The sixth year was intense but I held on through it all
I just focused on work and the kids I recall
I tried my best to move forward move on with my life
I even tried to forget that I was your wife
The sixth year passed and now on to the next
When I finally picked myself up in the job context
I landed the job of my dreams that I worked so hard for
But you took that from me, reasons why I’m unsure
Were you jealous of me or of all my success
Because I lost my job due to you being “depressed”
Since then its been harder than I thought life could be
I’m surprised that I haven’t hung myself from a tree
For now I’m in the eighth year of this marriage of mine
And all I can do is pretend it is all fine
But its not and I’m sad and I want to be dead
But I’m scared to place that gun to my head
One day it will end but I want you to know
That I did all that I could and put on a good show
But I can’t keep this up and I can’t always be strong
I’m a drama queen you will say but you couldn’t be more wrong.
#fear #marriage #younglove #despair #lifelost #loveslessmarriage #abuse #emotionalabuse