your local fat girl writes a poem

ating salads

 at all events

and i do like 

salads, don't 

get me wrong. 

but it was 

just a way to 

prove that im 

healthy,

happy,

 even as a...

 a bigger girl

but not 

FAT. 

never that. 

when i look in

the mirror, i

rarely ever mind. 

straight laced

bodied have never 

been things

of jealousy

for their looks. 

i guess I

just hate to

be judged

and ive never

trusted the

world not to

judge me. 

here's something

ive kept to 

myself: for a 

long

time. for

a while,

i wouldn't

eat snacks

around other

people. my 

siblings would,

but id wait 

til the kitchen

was empty. 

when i workout:

the world must

know. look! 

i may be 

a klutz

a plus sized

clumsy girl

but look, see

girl run! girl

runs. run, run

girl! yogi rose. 

biker rose. 

pretty desirable

more than the 

number on

the scale rose. 

wears pretty dresses

because they'll 

notice that and

not the fat

rose. 

it was never 

big things

(ha) nobody's

ever called me

a fat b***h

(though i'm sure

they've thought it)

but a boy

called me fat

and my young

brother just 

laughed & 

a nurse once 

told me to 

eat grapes

instead of cookies

& my "friend"

once said "but

boys won't like

you if you 

aren't skinny"

and in some 

ways i guess

ive felt

that other people

won't let me

be pretty

***

***

Maybe it was Dumplin or Leah on the Offbeat / maybe it was Shrill/ or maybe it was rage/or maybe it was Lizzo/ or my mom/ or maybe it was just looking in the mirror and thinking "I'm pretty"/ or maybe it was making art, seeing art that looked so beautiful in it's curves and swirls and rolls/ but I don't avoid anything but salad in public anymore.  (I still like salads, of course but just because they're fresh and true to goodness itself). I snack with my siblings. I swirl in the mirror and wink at myself. I exercise when I exercise just to feel the blood pump through my veins. I live in a satisfaction that if someone really were to say I was the ugliest thing alive, I could simply know they were wrong. Fat is one of my favorite words nowadays, though chubby is pretty good.