Paranormal Boredom

A group of giggling teenagers sat in the very front row, directly under the movie screen. They were quiet during the previews but once the movie started, they began to scream dramatically.

A door would open.

SCREAM!

A character made a sandwich.

SCREAM!

A dog ran into the grass.

SCREAM!

You get the idea. But after a while of this, I couldn’t help myself and bellowed:

“GO WATCH TWILIGHT!”

Enough people laughed to make it feel like I had just gotten thunderous applause for my clever quip. For a brief moment, I considered a career in stand-up. Someone had quickly exited their seat but the teenagers remained staunchly in the very front.

They continued to scream at inopportune moments. I wanted to say something clever, but I didn’t want to kill my comedic career just yet. Luckily, an usher appeared to save me from my predicament. He marched to the front and lead the teenagers out of this R-rated movie.

For the new two hours I continued to watch this “underfunded” move and I began to see where they had made budget cuts. I remember watching parts of “The Blair Witch” project when I was younger and being so bored that I began praying for a hastily painted demon or a mechanised shark to make an appearance. I honestly never finished that movie.

Again, I felt like my time was being stolen. The effects were so laughable and the plot so mundane and overdone that I began to think of what chores I had left to do at home. I tried to stay awake out of curtesy for my friend, who had dragged me here in the first place. Frankly, the only “Paranormal Activity” I noticed was how quickly this move made people’s money disappear.

I should have let the teenagers stay.