a dream.
maybe i’m undecided,
on so very many things
because i’ve always felt i was not entitled
to my own contents of my brain
no secrets, no lies
only endless goodbyes
& straining against the weight of some invisible force
that is
pulling
pulling
me by the throat, and then i feel it spread,
through my ribcage
and then my head.
i called it
sinking,
you called it lazy
empty
thoughts
are hazy,
it’s me vs the world
vs this feeling
this sinking
drinking an abundance of hot caffeine
for a different
sort of feeling,
a buzz that i can control.
all that it takes is a song,
to grab my hand and drag me along
“let’s revisit that feeling that you thought you’d forgotten” buried
in some dark corner of my brain,
that sounds like a guttural screaming, or bleeding,
all over the pages,
bones breaking, skin aching
but it was only
a dream.