Page Twenty: Editorial Section - 7/23/2020

It seems we have a failure to inseminate logic.

Today, Republicans and Democrats joined together for a Congresssional lunch provided by none other than the United States of America, or more commonly known as its citizens.

During this lunch, several Senators were undecided in their views on how beautiful the table settings were, and how crisp the salad lettuce was.

There was some talk by Mitch McConnell on the new stimulus bill but basically he was hard to understand while shoving half a brisket into his mouth.

Nancy Pelosi, although an advocate for the stimulus bill, complained that her cheese soup was too thick and asked for chedder but received american chees soup instead. Soup, during functions like this is all she will eat as at any other time she has difficulty keeping her false teeth in.

Ted Cruz was all laughs as he joked with another Senator about how bad things were in Texas with the virus. He was overheard saying, “Things are pretty bad there. Lucky for me I’m in D.C. After all this is the safest place in the country according to the president, and I believe him.”

Speeches were given, applause was loud and one house member puked on his shoes. Garlic was in his food and he’s allergic.

Matt Gaetz from Florida wasn’t even supposed to be there but he gained traction from Senators for getting away with having marijuana in his car a few years ago and bought his way out of jail time and getting elected to office. They say one day he might be president.

Jim Jordan, as usual, arrived without a suit coat and when asked why he never wore one he responded, “I never buy a full suit, it costs too much. Now excuse me, I have to find someone to yell at.”

Susan Collins was having a difficult time sipping her iced-coffee. The cup would shake in her hands from her nervous condition until finally she turned to Senator McCarthy and asked, “You wouldn’t happen to have a big, long thick straw, I could suck on, would you?”

All in all, it was a splendid affair and when they all left, McConell was asked if Congress could pass the next stimulus package before they went on vacation in August.

His response, “You have to be kidding me. Pass it? Not on my watch. That will interfer with the stuff that matters like baseball and football, and maybe ping-pong.”

And that ended any political talk for the rest of the day.

A passer-by outside the White House had a comment, however, what he said cannot be put into print. You will just have to fantasize what he said.

So America, it is time to wake up and smell the dirty laundry. Which Senators and Representatives are still wearing underwear from 1981? If you guess incorrectly, then that person will be re-elected. Simple as that.

Go to the polls and guess who.

That’s the only hope we have left.