If they were in high school . . .

'I am inevitable.' ~ Death. Likes to wear a red/black cloak with a hood and enjoys carrying a scythe around with him. Emo.

'I am inevitable too.' ~ Life, a bright and cheery girl.

'Hey! You stole my line!' Death shook his scythe in Life's face.

'Did not!' Life scowled back.

As you can see, they're as different as . . . life and death.

'Everyone loves me.' ~Love. Appearance changes in everyone's eyes. Picture the hottest man/woman, and you've got a good idea.

'I judge all.' ~Time. Obsessed with clocks and watches and sundials. Small, bespectacled, carries a timekeeping piece wherever he goes.

'Come here, you weak-kneed (insert dergatory term)!' ~Violence. Bully. Likes dressing up with chains, spiked leather jackets and brings a gun wherever he goes.

'I take many forms.' ~Evil. Many twins; all equally bad. Works hand in hand with Violence to ensure chaos and anarchy within school.

And then Philosophy walks into the room and sees everyone quarrelling.

'Chill, guys. Lesson's starting soon. Go sit down.'

'Everything is connected through me.' Philosophy. Likes wearing a toga everywhere and spouting ancient bits of wisdom.

'Shut up, Phil,' Violence complains. 'You're all about arguments!'

'Nay thee,' Philosophy says. 'You were contradicting each other, not arguing. It is not a true argument.'

'Someone shut him up,' Time grumbles.

'Time is relative. It is your nature to be relative too. What did you mean by "shut him up"? Were you speaking to me, or Violence?'

'We are speaking to you!' Death groaned.

'Who is this "you"? It is relative too, like time,' Philosophy strokes his imaginary beard.

'We are speaking to Philosophy! Now shut up, Phil!' Time screams.

'Calm down. Let me present my interesting new cheese theory first,' Philosophy says calmly as he walks to the whiteboard.'

'Why do you have so low EQ?' Violence shouts at him.

'Clarity of thought and speech is infinitely better than your emotional quotient. Now, as I was saying, here is my cheese theory:'

And he scrawled some words on the whiteboard:

Swiss cheese has holes.

More cheese means more holes.

More holes in cheese means less amount of cheese.

Thus, more cheese is equal to less cheese.

'No. Stop challenging the natural order of the universe.' Death sighed.

'What is this "natural order of the universe"?' Philosophy questioned.

'Alright, alright. Shut up already, wise man,' Time mumbles.

'What defines "wise"?' Philosophy asked him.

'STOP IT!'

Finally Philosophy stops talking and proceeds to read Socrates.

'Some peace and quiet,' Death heaved a sigh of relief.

'What defines "peace and quiet"?' Philosophy looks up from his book.

'AHH! STOP!'