Sales Pitch

Delicate blue eyes for you to lose yourself in.

Skin so soft it feels like a lamb’s.

A laugh that sounds like your grandmother’s

Or a celebrity’s – the choice is yours.

Don’t worry about deafness or Down’s Syndrome or Neuroblastoma.

The offending genes have been delicately removed

And replaced with strong bones and thick hair.

You baby will grow to approximately 6 feet 2 inches

And will be exceptionally receptive to STEM education.

You can have a ballerina or a track star too.

Or why not both?

Designed in a lab and grown in a womb designed in another lab,

Your child will be well-cared for, stimulated, nourished, and soothed.

With 24/7 webcam access and a variety of pre-birth photo packages available

You will be there every step of the way.

Our new app allows your phone to vibrate when the baby kicks.

And with our premium package,

Your baby’s heartbeat can be your ringtone.

It will take its first breath in the arms of our innovative nursing staff

Now outfitted with Simuskin to give your baby the feeling of warmth

And thoroughly sanitized to protect little lives.

24/7 webcam access and a variety of post-birth packages will be also be available.

Our social media concierge will document your first days as parents

To ensure the world shares your joy in the most aesthetically pleasing way possible.

You may not be perfect, but your child will be.

It will be a math whiz and an athlete and have perfect vision.

It will have pollution resistant skin and lungs that can withstand the vacuum of space.

You child will be a top-tier candidate for one of the colony ships.

No mining job for your little bundle of joy.

We will give your child the future you can’t give them on earth

But only if you call now.

Financing is available.

Operators are standing by.