all the things i should’ve said

dinnertime conversation

keeps killing us keeps killing

and i know you don't want to be here

but that's why you have to be here

swallowing down buttery rice grains

picking them out of your throat before bedtime

i can hear you coughing at 3am and

the microwave pushing this boy around this merry go round

we lost it in the deep

we lost you in the deep

asking things like

what is the right way to be happy

or eat dinner or speak to others or

how to grow around your holes be better do better because

learning from your mistakes is hard enough

without you making more and

it's easier to live without questioning if those 'mistakes' were really

mistakes in the first place