Pandemic fling or the real thing?

I met Ned at a neighborhood gathering in Spring of 2019 with no physical attraction or even a second thought. In November I saw him at another party on the street and again he did not stir any emotions or curiosity. My disinterest could be attributed to the fact that I was in a relationship with Elmer and conversations of living together had become serious. Elmer and I had been dating for 18 years and I could never commit to marriage due to my PTSD from my failed marriage to my childrens’ father. Mark’s abusive nature ruined my hope for ever trusting another man to be my partner for life. Elmer and I had zero in common but we enjoyed each others company. He had never voted until 2016 when he was all about Trump and I held my tongue more often than not as I was not a fan. Along came 2020 with Covid 19, civil unrest, and an emergency shutdown of the country which led to a heated discussion turned argument that ended the relationship. Grateful that this revelation happened before I moved in with him made the transition easier but definitely added to my level of anxiety.

The stay at home orders in April had me spending the majority of time outdoors in a hammock and walking my dog every four hours. Front porch time led to an increase in conversations with neighbors and another run in with Ned. At this time with Elmer out of the picture I looked at Ned the neighbor differently. I found him amusing and he made it clear that he liked my company as well. We loved the same music and would dance until way past my bedtime. The chemistry was undeniable and for him to be so conveniently located two doors down was a bonus. I had hit the Pandemic Jackpot of stay at home orders. We played dominoes, pickled peppers and okra from his garden, watched The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogy, and naturally made each other laugh out loud.

We quickly became neighborfriends with benefits but it seemed to be so much more.

For the first time ever I was comfortable in my own skin. Could Ned by my person?

I didn’t want this fairytale to end but now he is socially distancing himself leading me to believe this was just a pandemic fling. At 54 years old the feelings of rejection sting and have me questioning if I did something wrong, said something inappropriate, have halitosis or like Jimmy Buffet music - not to be enjoyed every single day. Agonizing over the reasons why he lost interest overnight have me feeling like a silly teenager. Perhaps it has nothing to do with me and he is just moody or has multiple personalities. Regardless of the reason, I am working hard to focus on the refreshing fun times we had together rather than dwell on the absence of my pandemic fling neighborfriend. It was entertaining to daydream about actually falling in love again but I will chalk it up to my silver lining to 2020.