All My Stars

Colette

It was bright and sunny outside when I woke up, beautiful and happy sunshine flooded through my white curtains. One of the many summers in 1984 would make no difference to my life. Sure, I had a group of friends, good grades, a great boyfriend, nice parents, everything was perfect. But, perfect is boring, and no one wants boring. It was 9:23 AM and I rolled over, meeting the sweet face of my dog, Oliver. Oliver had been mine since my 13th birthday, but now the only thing I could think of was how much it would hurt when he left. I dragged myself out of bed and stared into the mirror, nothing about me was special. My blonde hair, my blue eyes, my light skin. I was exactly like everyone else and I didn’t want to be, but, just like everyone else, I tried to not be like everyone else.

I brushed my hair and pulled on a pair of shorts and a white shirt before going downstairs. My mom was sitting at the table with my dad, both with warm coffee despite the 90 degree weather that hung in the air.

“Hey, Peaches,” dad said, ruffling my hair, “What’s the plan for today?” he sipped from his coffee again, I pulled a cereal box from the cabinet.

“I don’t know, I’ll probably head down to the beach with Heather and Courtney,” I said, dad looked up at me and narrowed his eyes. “And which boys are you meeting with?” he questioned.

“Oh, um, just Jason and Steve...” I mumbled, dad nodded. “Jason and Steve!” he said loudly, I rolled my eyes. He always got this way when I was meeting with boys.

“Dad, nothing is going to happen. The beach is a public place and other families will be there,” I said defensively, dad continued nodding, I poured my cereal and sat with my parents. The wall phone rang loudly and dad got up to answer it, he made a rule, no one but dad answers the phone, because last time mom messed up his work call.

“Hello, you’ve reached the Taylor’s residents, this is Josh... Yes... She is... Uh-huh... Who am I speaking with? Ah, Steve... Yes, how did you get this number?... Oh... Sure, I’ll get her...” dad turned around and nodded at me. I got up and answered.

“Hello?” I said.

“Hi, this is Steve,” the room fell silent.

“Hi, can I help you?”

“Yes, actually, I would like to see the beautiful girl that I am speaking with today.”

“Oh, um, yeah, I would love to see you today. With Lenore, Heather, Courtney, and Jason?”

“I was kind of hoping to see you without them. Just us.”

“Steve. You know I’m dating your best friend, why would we hang out alone?”

“We’re friends. Friends hang out all the time.”

“Okay, sure.”

“Beach. 12:00. Snack Shack, meet me there. Bye.”

I hung up the phone and lingered there for several seconds. “Are you going to go?” mom asked, I looked up to see her grinning over her coffee cup at me. I laughed and stared at the ground.

“I mean, I don’t know,” I said, stifling a smile, “You like Steve,” she said. I snatched my gaze up to hers.

“I do not. I’m dating Jason, not Steve,” I snapped, walking upstairs and into my room to change. I yanked off my t-shirt and aggressively searched the floor, which was covered in clothes.

Bikini top... Where is my bikini top?!

I dug through my drawers until I found the purple and blue bathing suit that I had been saving specifically for this summer. I was saving the low dip push-up top for when I was ready for it. I put it on and smiled before slipping on my white shirt over it, I pulled on the bottom half of the bikini and a pair of shorts.

With my blue sunglasses on my head and my hoop earrings in, I was ready to leave, I ran downstairs and sat at the table next to mom. “I’ll be ready when I finish my coffee. Do you need breakfast?” she asked. I stared at her, surprised.

“Mom, you know I can’t eat then swim in salt water,” I said, everytime I had eaten then gone swimming in salt water, I had gotten sick after, but when I ate then swam in a chlorine pool, I was fine.

We got into the car and pulled out of the driveway, I stared at myself in the mirror and put on some lip gloss, not too much that boys would notice, but not too little that my lips would look dry.

“Cole, do you really need makeup for swimming?” mom asked me, I stared at her again, she laughed, put her hands up and mumbled, “Okay, okay.”

The drive there was quick and the only sound was the radio blaring a Police song. When we finally arrived at the beach, I realized I had forgotten my beach bag. I internally rolled my eyes.

“Bye, momma. Love you,” I said, slamming the door shut behind me and slipping off my flip flops. I walked into the sand that made my footsteps feel heavy and clunky when Courtney and Lenore ran up to me.

“Oh, my gosh, Cole!” Lenore yelled, she hugged me tightly and stared down at what I was wearing. “You’re here to see Jason. He’s right over there,” Courtney said.

“Actually, I’m not here to see Jason. I’m meeting Steve at the snack bar,” I said, Courtney stared at me, her mouth open. “No... Way...” Lenore said in her stereotypical-teenage-girl voice. “You’re not cheating on Jason with him are you?” Courtney pestered me, I rolled my eyes.

“Hey! Colette!” Steve yelled, I looked to see him waving at me from the snack bar, I walked up to him, trying to look as chill as possible. An older guy, maybe 18, glanced up at me and grinned, his brown hair swayed in the salty air coming off of the ocean. Deep blue eyes that I fell into stared back at me and the not-just-the-surface smile stayed on his face. The moment seemed to last forever. I looked up and realized Steve was staring at me expectantly.

“I guess you didn’t hear me,” he said, I felt my face turn red, “I said, how are you?” I smiled.

“No I heard you, I’m just thinking,” I lied, smiling, “I’m alright, how are you?” he grinned widely. “Well, I’m here at the beach with the most beautiful girl... I’m doing great,” I blushed again, but this time, not from embarrassment. He knew I was dating his best friend, I knew I was dating his best friend, but he liked me anyway.

“Steve, I can’t like you... like that,” I said, staring down at my feet that were covered in sand. “Look, you have to promise not to tell anyone that I told you this,” he said, I looked up to meet his eyes that were now serious.

“Okay, I won’t,” I said, assuming the worst so I would hopefully be pleasantly surprised. “Jason told me that he doesn’t want to date you anymore, he just can’t find a way to tell you,” he said, it was at that moment that I felt my heart completely sink into the bottom of my soul.

“What?” I asked, my voice shaking with the cries that I tried to keep in, “I’m really sorry, Colette. I’m trying to keep you from getting your heart broken,” he said, taking my hand. I didn’t want to be sour toward him, so I didn’t pull away. “I don’t want to hurt you, neither does Jason, but I knew that I had to hurt you to keep you safe,” he said, fury inside of me welled up, I stared up at him.

“Keep me safe? How is any of this keeping me safe? You made everything worse!” I flared, he let go of my hand and stared at me with worry. I wanted to say something else but decided not to, I let go of the risk of making everything worse. I sat down at the Snack Shack and tried to focus on the waves and steady flow of chatter. “Colette, please,” he said, I turned around in the chair and stared at him, still angry.

“No, listen to me. You told me that my boyfriend wants to dump me and now you expect me to just be cool?” I questioned, he opened his mouth, then closed it again. I hoped he knew how I felt in this particular situation. Instead, he turned and walked away, I watched him leave and walk toward my friends, I didn’t want to see him talking trash about me, so I turned around. In my peripheral vision, I saw the boy, he was looking at me, I was extremely tempted to look back at him, but I decided to just let him stare at me.

“Hey,” he said in a low voice, touching the edge of my arm, leaving a trial of hotness on my skin. I dared to look over at him, I stared at his hand, then allowed my gaze to travel up his muscular arms, to his broad shoulders, to his lips, his upturned nose, finally, his eyes. He maintained eye contact with me, like he could look through me, chills crawled up my back as I straightened my posture. I pushed my chest out, my stomach forward and tilted my chin down, then I looked back up at him. The corners of his mouth turned upward in a slight smile, he didn’t remove his hand from my arm, I felt like he might ignite my skin if he smiled any wider.

“Can I get you a cool, non-alcoholic beverage?” he asked, every word in his sentence flirted and I shyly nodded before pushing my hair behind my shoulder with my free hand. “Hi, can I get a strawberry cooler for her and a raspberry cooler for me?” he asked, the woman nodded and walked away, I wrinkled my nose cutely.

“How did you know that strawberry was my favorite?” I asked, smiling slightly, he readjusted his position as the waitress brought our drinks and winked at me. “I don’t know, you just looked like a strawberry kind of girl. I can read people very well and as far as I can tell,” he shifted from eye to eye, “You have a stereotypical ‘perfect’ life that you aren’t happy with because perfect is boring, you want something different and fun. The men in your life are all over you and try to prove their loyalty, you’re very athletic, obviously beautiful in every way,” he said, smiling at me. I blushed and the chills returned.

“What’s your name?” he asked me, I stared back down at his hand that was now closer to my wrist rather than my arm anymore.

“Colette,” I said, “But you can call me Cole.”

“No, thank you. I would rather not demean a beautiful girl with a beautiful name by calling her a boy’s name like Cole,” he said, I smiled, he smiled back at me and laughed a little. He sipped from his drink and stood up, “My apologies, Colette. But, I have to leave. Have a fantastic day,” he said, walking away and sneaking a wink before he disappeared around the side of the Snack Shack. It occurred to me that I hadn’t gotten his name, I spun my drink around and saw black writing all over it, it was a number. I laughed, he gave me his phone number when I wasn’t looking.

“Cole!” Heather yelled, wrapping me in a hug, and motioning for me to come hang out with her, I picked up my drink and wrapped it in my towel to keep the ink from rubbing off. I pulled of my t-shirt and my jeans and walked over to where Heather, Lenore, and Courtney’s towels were laying on the sand, weighed down by rocks and chunky beach bags. I laid down on my stomach and allowed the sun to graze my back and my legs. Little kids running kicked up sand everywhere, dogs chased seagulls, dads clinked bottles and drank, moms waded into the water with their toddlers, teenagers flirted with each other and laughed loudly.

Jason and Steve were throwing a frisbee back and forth, when Jason stopped their game and walked over to me. “Hey, Cole, can we talk?” he asked, sitting down next to me, I nodded but I didn’t look at him. “So, I’ve been thinking,” he started, I looked up at him and breathed heavily.

“Let me guess, you’ve been thinking about other girls, getting bored of me, you didn’t want to break my heart, we can still be friends, it’s not you, it’s me,” I said, bored. “I’ve heard it before.”

“Um, yeah, sorry,” he said, I glared up at him.

“You are not sorry. You said you loved me and that I was your everything,” I growled, he didn’t speak.

“I lost someone who never cared, you lost someone who always did,” I stormed. He pressed his lips together and walked away, he continued throwing the frisbee with Steve. Normally, you’re supposed to feel bad after something like that, but now, I felt free. With Jason, it was do this, say that, call me this, don’t do that, not right now. Now, I can flirt with whoever I want and love who I want to.

“Hey, girl,” Heather said, sitting next to me.

“Hey,” I chirped, sounding abnormally happy, “What’s up?” she asked, I shrugged.

“Nothing, really. Jason just broke up with me,” I declared, her eyes practically popped out of her head. “What? Are you okay, do you need to cry?” she asked, I sat up and shook my head.

“I feel good now. Much better. Let’s go swimming,” I suggested, Heather, still looking shocked, nodded. The ocean water was cool and refreshing, I went in up to my thighs before I started shivering, there was a loud, high pitched scream that came from Lenore before she fell, splashing water all over me. More screams erupted.

“Lenore!” I yelled, pushing my hair away from my face, there was a second of dead silence before everyone started laughing again. All I could think about was the number on my drink cup, was it really his? Would he answer if I called? Did he like me? So much to think about. I looked over to see Steve and Jason running into the ocean to where we were, Lenore, Heather, and Courtney screamed. Jason grabbed Courtney by her waist and kissed her hard, I didn’t feel bad at first, but he had moved on in less than 30 minutes, Courtney giggled as he whispered in her ear.

I floated on my back in the water, my hair spread around me like a golden patch of grass, no one seemed to notice that I wasn’t doing anything with them until Heather came over to me, “You okay?” she asked, I stood up and nodded, forcing a smile before mumbling, “It’s getting late to be in the water.”

It was technically true, it was slightly past 6, the wind was getting aggressive and the waves were getting too powerful, I waded out of the water and onto the shore again, I made sure not to forget my drink cup with the boy’s phone number on it. I stared at it, letting the wild laughter of my friends drown out as I walked up to the snack bar.

“Can I use your phone, please?” I asked, the lady nodded and handed me the receiver, I dialed the house phone’s number.

“Dad? It’s Cole,” I said into the receiver. “Hey, Peaches. How’s it going?” dad asked, a happy tune playing in the background, my parents like to keep our home environment ‘light and absent’ so there’s often music playing.

“It’s fine. Can you come pick me up? My friends are leaving,” I lied, talking loud and hoping he didn’t hear them yelling and laughing behind me. “Yeah, sure, I’ll be there in a few minutes. Hang tight,” he said, ending the call, dad hated being on the phone, so he tried to keep his messages short and sweet, I tried to do the same. Sure enough, he pulled up a few minutes later, the sand in the lining of my bathing suit made it uncomfortable to walk or move, so I made my way to his car with the least possible motion.

“Aren’t those your friends out there?” dad asked, motioning to the teenagers playing in the ocean.

“No, those are just kids in my school,” I said, which was technically true, they were kids in my school, so I was telling the truth. The only noise in the car was the music from the radio, my dad was quietly humming along to the Ghostbusters theme song. It felt like I had only blinked when we were pulling into the driveway at 6:13, my legs and hair stuck to the seat of my dad’s car. I walked into the house and the smell of casserole flooded the room.

“Hey, Peaches. Go take a shower, I can’t have salt all over the floor,” mom jived, I grinned and ran upstairs to my bathroom, I was sticky and gross-feeling as the hot water from the shower head wrapped around me like a blanket. I sang ‘What’s Love Got to Do With It’ until I didn’t feel bad about Courtney and Jason kissing anymore, I got out of the shower and inhaled the steam hanging in the room, the cool air from my bedroom froze me and chill bumps came on my skin. I stared at my drink cup and then the rodarie phone sitting on my desk. I put on some fresh clothes and argued with myself on whether I should call that boy or not.

Get a hold of yourself, Colette. Obsessing over a dumb boy is not what you need right now.

I hung my towel on the doorknob and brushed my soaked hair. I ran down the stairs, finally feeling clean and not sticky from the saltwater. I sat down at the table as mom brought the casserole over and set it down. Dad was already there, smiling as he flipped through the paper, the phone rang and I glanced at mom as I got up to answer it, “Hey. What’s the rule, Peaches?” dad said. I rolled my eyes and watched dad answer the phone.

“Hello, Taylor’s residents. This is Josh... No, she isn’t... I can’t tell you that... Who am I speaking with? Hello?” dad said, he shrugged and hung up.

“Who was that?” mom asked, sitting down at the table, “Probably just a prank call. Nothing to worry about,” he answered, seeming to struggle for words. The phone rang again and I stared at dad, expecting him to answer it, but instead, he started eating his casserole.

“Dad, are you going to get the phone?” I pestered, he glanced up at me and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Not right now. We don’t answer calls during dinner,” he said. I stopped talking and listened to my parents talk about what Aunt Marie had said about cousin Leah’s school choice, all they ever wanted to talk about was local stuff. They liked staying ‘in the know’.

“So, I heard you and Jason broke up,” mom said, I stared up at her with widened eyes, dad cleared his throat. Mom looked proud that she knew such things in my life.

“Yeah, we did,” I said, eating a bite of casserole, trying to paper over the awkwardness. “Well, are you going to tell us why?” dad asked, I looked up and set my fork down like I was about to make a scene.

“No,” I said simply. Mom shrugged and dad winked before taking another bite of food. We sat in silence before mom spoke up, “So, Gramma stopped by to say that your cousin was in town,” she said, I looked up.

“I have a cousin?” I asked, I had only ever known about cousin Leah, but that’s it. My extended family lives mostly in Florida, so getting there from South Carolina was tough. “Yeah, you remember cousin Amber, right?” mom asked me, I didn’t know I even had a cousin other than Leah, of course I didn’t know cousin Amber.

“No, I only knew about cousin Leah, did we know each other when we were younger or something?,” I questioned, mom nodded, “She’s in town for the summer. She asked about you.”

“Okay, I would love to see her,” I said, setting my napkin on my plate, “May I be excused?” I asked, dad nodded and I ran upstairs to watch The Wonder Years. Mom knew that Amber and I would love to see each other, I don’t know why she had to ask if I wanted to see her, I picked up my drink cup and stared at the phone sitting on my desk as I sat down on my bed. Oliver laid his head on my lap and stared up at me.

“I don’t want to seem desperate, Ollie, but should I call him anyway?” I asked, like my dog could respond, he licked my hand. “I’ll take that as a yes,” I grinned, picking up the phone and dialing the number.

“Hello?” someone said.

“Um, hi. You wrote your number on the cup that you got me?” I asked, unsure of who I was speaking with at the moment. “Yeah, I did. You’re Colette, aren’t you?,” he said, my heart soared and I realized it was him, I laid down on my bed, twirling the cord around my finger.

“That’s me. I saw that you wrote your number and I knew I had to call you after I had gotten through my crowded schedule,” I lied, laughing, he chuckled. “I wrote my number and I knew I had to answer your call after I had gotten through my crowded schedule of eating dinner with my parents, too,” he said, it felt like known him for years, like there were no more mysteries for me.

“You’re different,” he said, destroying my train of thought.

“Am I?”

“Yeah. You seem simple and shallow but looking deeper, I see that you’re sensitive, playful, slightly aggressive, very patient. And... connected,” he said, every word flowing out of his mouth and into the phone receiver with the only kind of perfect that exists only on other worlds.

“Wow, I honestly think you’re getting information from other people about me,” I said.

“I don’t know you, but I can read you. You’re difficult to read, harder than anyone I’ve ever met. I’d like to know you better. We should meet up tomorrow, if that’s alright with you,” he paused cautiously. I didn’t want to respond. I just wanted to sit in this moment and remember it forever. “You still there, Colette?” he questioned, I jumped and remembered that I was still on the phone with him.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m here. I’m going to see my cousin tomorrow but you could come and hang out with us if you would like,” I suggested, there were a few seconds of silence. “I would hate to intrude on your time with your family,” he said thoughtfully.

“No, no, no, it’s really okay. I think you would like her,” I said, almost envious of Amber and her perfection. “I’m sure she is very lovely, but I would like to refrain from meeting anyone at your recommendation until I am positive that you are okay with it,”

“Yeah, it’s totally fine. You should come,”

“Well, then I will see you tomorrow,”

“Okay,”

He waited for a moment before saying, “There’s something about you...”

“Oh, and what is this ‘something about me’?”

“I’m not sure, I would say peculiar, but it is magnificent. I would say lovely, but it kind of scares me. I would say unpredictable, but I can tell what your intentions are, I would say glorious, but there’s a dark part of you, as well. So much of you keeps me guessing, and that’s what I love in a person,

“What I’m saying is, I love you. I’m aware you don’t know me but I feel like I know you and there’s so much in me wanting to keep you close. I want you to be mine and only mine, not your ex’s, not your friend’s. Mine,”

I couldn’t respond, my heart was beating so fast and my breaths were so rapid and I tried to speak but it felt like my vocal cords were tangled and my stomach was on a roller coaster and my heart was taking an elevator to the moon. I was breathless. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I opened my mouth but no sound came out. I wasn’t laying on my bed anymore, I was in the sky, falling in slow motion. No one else was there except for the boy that was saying unbelievable things to me in a flurry of happiness, there was no sound anymore, just the vision I was having. He whispered something that I couldn’t decipher and hung up.

“Colette Melissa Taylor, you open this door right now,” I heard my mom say through the door, it was unlocked, but she never just barged into my room without asking. I ran over to the door and opened it.

“I’m sorry, mom, I was on the phone and I got distracted,” I said, her face softened, like she was expecting something worse, “Is everything alright?” I asked, she still looked worried although she nodded. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” typically, in the school year, she didn’t check on me, but now that I was home more often, she had someone to hover over and check up on that wasn’t my dad. She smiled and shut the door lightly, she was constantly concerned for my wellbeing, I guess in a way I liked it, but sometimes it was extremely annoying.

The phone rang again and I felt my heart wishing that it was him. I picked up and managed to shakily murmur, “Hello?”

“Hey, Cole, it’s Jason,”

“Oh, hey Jason. What do you want?”

“I just wanted to apologize,”

“Why would you apologize if you aren’t sorry?”

“I am sorry, Cole!”

“No, I can tell you aren’t. You’re plenty happy with Courtney. Why would you be sorry?”

There was silence.

“You know what? You’re right,”

“I know,”

“You know what else you are, Cole?”

“What?”

“A penny,”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’re two faced, worthless, and no one wants you,” he said, hanging up, I sat there with the phone to my ear, quietly. My feelings molded together like a huge lump of clay and sat in the bottom of my chest, then wrapped around my lungs. I tried to breathe but I felt like I was inhaling sand, my throat burned and I layed down on my bed, curling up with a blanket and shaking with tears.

In my dream, the image of Jason kissing Courtney stayed in my head. I felt like I wasn’t really dreaming, I cried all night with the thought of my best friend kissing my ex boyfriend in my mind. Oliver laid his head down on my bed as he watched me cry. Before I could even begin to count the hours that I was crying, it was morning. I pulled myself up and stared at the girl in the mirror. Her face was pretty and smiling, her hair fell at her elbows and glowed with health, she radiated confidence as she stuck her nose in the air and grinned. But that wasn’t me, this girl staring back at me was different. Her face was red and tired, her hair was stringy and unbrushed, her skin was pale and she lacked the confidence that I was used to seeing. My eyelashes stuck together with tears and I tried to smile, but it felt weak and fake as I stumbled downstairs and sat at the table.

“Hi, sweetie. Your father went to the store to pick up pancakes for breakfast. Are you alright? Are you sick?” she asked, putting her hand on my forehead, I pushed her hand away.

“I’m fine. Just tired,” I lied, the phone rang and I got up to answer it. “Hello, you’ve reached the Taylor’s residents, this is Colette,” I chirped. “Hey, Cole, it’s Jason,” he announced, I hung up the phone and walked away.

“Who was it?” mom interrogated, I looked up at her sharply.

“Just someone I don’t exactly want to talk to right now,” I replied, she shrugged and returned to drinking her coffee before sneaking a smile. I put my head in my hands and sighed, she looked up at me with a concerned look.

“I’m fine. Everything is fine,” I said, running upstairs. I quickly did my makeup and left to meet with the boy I saw yesterday, I wasn’t sure if I was going to see him today, but I was almost positive that I was. I hope Jason was happy that he had lost me, and I hope that he and Courtney were having a great relationship.

Jason

It had been almost an entire day without Cole. I miss her, she meant so much to me and I was only wanting to mess with her, I wasn’t expecting her to overreact and tell me to go date someone else. I saw her looking at that guy at the Snack Shack, I think she likes him, I’m starting to feel jealous, but I don’t know why, I bet he doesn’t even like her. I don’t know if dating Courtney was a smart move, but I do know that she’s going to be at the beach today, and I have a plan.

“So...” my dad started, my mom moved out when I was 4, “I heard your girlfriend dumped you,”

“I dumped her,” I said, sitting down and thinking over what I was going to say in my head. “That’s not what I heard from Steve,” he said smartly. My dad had always been a really cocky person, from the way he acted to the way he styled his hair everyday.

“Why were you getting information from Steve about me?” I pried defensively, dad knows not to talk about me to my friends, “I overheard his voicemail blaring into the house,” he chuckled at his own joke.

I gathered my breakfast plate and stood up to go wash it and get ready. “Hey, you do not walk away from this table without my permission,” he commanded, I stared back into his eyes that were burning with hatred and hurt.

“I don’t need your permission to stand up and clear the table. Do you want me to leave my trash everywhere?!” I yelled, he stood up as well.

“You already do!”

“Dad! You leave more trash around here than Marcus and I combined!”

“You’re in no place to accuse anyone of anything!”

“Oh! Oh! And why’s that?!”

“You’re the reason that your mom left!”

I shut up instantly. Mom was a sore subject between us and we swore not to mention it.

“Jason...” he started as I set my plate in the sink and turned on the running water.

“What? What more could you say?” I asked, furious, hoping that he could feel the emotion in every word that I spoke as my throat burned.

“I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have said anything,” he mumbled, he had always hated apologizing, especially when it was actually his fault, I scrubbed my plate clean and ran upstairs.

Getting dressed for something as casual as the beach but for someone as special as Cole was hard. I tried on shirt after shirt before finding a perfect blue-green one that looked good with my swim trunks. I had no need to do my hair, but I put the smallest amount of gel anyway. When I was finally happy with my appearance, I had to try pretending to talk to her, sure it was dumb, but it actually helped.

“Hey, Cole,” I shook my head, too casual.

“Colette, can we talk?” I would say, taking her hands in mine as that guy she met stared at me with envy. I grinned at the thought of him staring at me as I stared deeply into her eyes. I doused myself in cologne then made sure it wasn’t too strong, I stared at Cole’s picture on my mirror. I walked downstairs with a light jog and went outside, finally feeling like I could breathe again. I didn’t live far from the beach, I could run there in 3 minutes, but I decided that I would walk, just to clear my mind. My hands were shaking and I felt like my lungs weren’t wide enough to fit in the air that I felt like I needed. I wondered if Cole missed me, what was that guy saying to her? Were they in love? I quickly dismissed the thoughts and focused on my breathing, but they came back, I wished that I could place a restraining order on my emotions sometimes, it felt like it had been hours but I finally got to the beach. I saw Cole sitting at a picnic table, friendship bracelets wrapped up and down her arms, her hair flowed in the wind as she smiled at someone sitting across from her. It was great... until I saw who she was smiling at. Fury welled up inside of me and I clenched my fist, Stay calm, Jason. You’re not like Steve.

I finally got up the courage to talk to her, so I walked up casually, but not too casually, I gave the boy a smug smile as I said, “Colette, can we talk?”

She glanced up at me and her flawless smile faded, I saw the color drain from her face as she turned to face me. “Okay, what do you want?” she asked, a bite in her tone of voice. I tenderly took her hands in mine, she didn’t pull away.

“I wanted to tell you how much I missed you in the day that we weren’t together. I don’t want Courtney, or Heather, or Lenore or anyone else. Just you,” I said, feeling proud as the guy sat at the table with a disapproving expression on his face. I stared into her blue eyes and it seemed like the pain she was feeling radiated off of her skin and into mine. I knew she wasn’t going to respond.

“I know how much I hurt you. I know how much I need you now,” I said, her eyes didn’t look sad anymore, they looked upset. “You should know how much you hurt me,” she said, pulling her hands away, “You can need me all you want. But I don’t need someone that doesn’t care about me or my feelings. I’ll stick with him,”

I felt my heart break inside of me as she turned back to the guy in front of her and smile.

“So is he your boyfriend now?” I blurted out, not meaning to say it out loud but realizing that I actually really did want to know. She stared at me before looking back at the guy in front of her, that gave me all the answers that I needed and more, I nodded, feeling hurt as the person sitting in front of her grinned at me. “I’m gonna go buy some drinks for us,” she said, winking at him before walking away, I sat down quickly in front of him.

“Listen to me, pal. Cole is mine, okay? You can’t date her,” I interrogated, pointing at him. He pushed my finger away with his finger gently, “From what I gathered, you broke up with Colette and dated her best friend,” he said, I stumbled back as if his words had hit me like a wall.

“That’s not the point. Who are you?” I asked, he grinned at me again. “Why don’t you answer that question for me?” he said, that confused me. What did he mean?

“What?”

“Who am I to you?” he asked, then I finally got it, I decided to play along. I faked a smile and tightened my lips.

“You’re the gross loser that stole my girlfriend from me,” I commented, Cole came back with the drinks and I smiled again like we had just had a friendly conversation.

“Colette, you’re back,” the guy said, Cole smiled and set down the two drinks. “See? He’s actually happy to see me when I come back,” Cole commented, I forced a smile and nodded. “Who wouldn’t be happy to see you?” he asked, this was nauseating me.

“Why do you do that? Like why do you call her by her full name?” I asked, feeling the need to point out something that was imperfect about him. “I feel that it is wrong to demean a beautiful girl with a beautiful name by calling her a boy’s name like Cole,” he said simply, I felt like he wasn’t exactly mad at me, but he seemed confident that there was nothing that I could point out that was wrong with him at all. Suddenly, I felt like I was doing something wrong by calling her Cole. Be cool, be confident, I thought.

“So, Cole, I decided to give you a second chance,” I said, upturning the corner of my mouth cutely and winking at her. Cole’s face went from proud to angry, “Give me a second chance? I’m not the one that dumped you. I’m not the one that dated your best friend, in fact, I turned down your best friend so I could date you!” she yelled, crossing her arms over her chest. I cursed under my breath as I walked away and sat down on my towel after I spread it out. I watched Cole and that guy, her sipping her drink and laughing as he leaned in and talked to her slowly, I didn’t even notice that Steve walked up and sat down next to me. “Jason, you okay?” he asked shaking me gently, I looked up at him, feeling the deep hatred inside of me.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you wanted her?” I challenged, he gave me a startled look as he tried to find the words to use. “No, it’s not like that, I swear,” he said defensively, I stared back at him.

“Not like that? How many times did you call her this week?” I questioned angrily, he opened his mouth to say something but stood up. “How many times did you call her this week?” he shot back before turning around and walking away. Maybe Steve was right. Had I even thought to call her? “Hey,” Courtney chirped, sitting next to me and pushing her sunglasses up on her head.

“Hey, we can’t be together,” I interjected suddenly, she stared at me blankly for a few seconds. “It’s Cole. You’re still in love with her when you didn’t even treat her the way that you were supposed to. I know you only asked me out to get back at her,” she flared, I didn’t say anything back. She scoffed and walked away, I glanced back up at Cole and that other guy, they were still in the same spot. Spying never hurt anyone, I thought, putting on my sunglasses and sitting at the snack bar close enough that I could hear them but far enough that they couldn’t tell that I was spying on them.

“I don’t even know your name. How could I date you?” I heard Cole ask the boy, now I had something to use against her. Dating someone that she barely knew, too easy. “It’s not like that, call me what you want. I just want you to be happy,” he said, I rolled my eyes at how childish he was sounding. “I just want you to be happy,” she said in return, I heard him laugh.

“Then let me love you, and I’ll be happy,” she didn’t say anything back, I assumed they were smiling at each other, I peeked around the corner and saw what I was afraid of. Their eyes were closed and they were close together, his hands were on her hips and their mouths met, they weren’t sitting at the picnic table anymore, they were standing in the sunshine, kissing. I understood why Cole had gotten so upset after seeing me kiss her friend, but her kissing someone she barely knew was on a different level.

“Dylan,” I heard him say in a low voice, “My name is Dylan,” there was no more noise and I didn’t want to look back to see someone I love with someone that I didn’t even know. “Can I get you anything?” the girl behind the bar asked me, her wavy blonde hair shone in the sun and a glint in her eye showed a spark of sympathy.

“No, I’m alright. Thanks, Mickey,” I said, reading the girl’s nametag. “You look sad. Are you okay?” she asked, I was extremely tempted to say yes, but I was tired of acting like I was okay. I shook my head. “Liz! I’m going on break!” Mickey yelled into the back room as she took off her hat and nametag and sat down next to me. “What’s wrong?” she asked, I looked into her eyes and saw, for once, a look of understanding.

“It’s nothing really,” I lied, she narrowed her eyes at me and grinned slightly, “Come on, let’s go for a walk,” she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me over toward the shoreline, we walked together so the cool water was submerging our feet. “What’s on your mind?” she asked, breaking the steady sound of the cool waves crashing up on the shore.

“Well, two years ago, I met this girl named Cole. She was really pretty and sweet, so I asked her out. We dated for a year and a half until I broke up with her the other day,” Mickey nodded, signaling to me to continue, “Then I saw her with this other guy not even an hour after we broke up. Just now I was kind of eavesdropping on them, and I saw them kissing,” I said. She looked at the ground, her hair flying over her face, she pushed it out of the way. “Well, trust me I’m not scolding you, but Cole would tell you if she wanted you to know about their relationship, just leave it up to her, she’ll come around and realize how much she wants you in her life. Girls move on fast when they’re hurt, it’s their way of trying to make someone jealous,” she said.

“Cole doesn’t seem like that kind of person,” I criticized, “Trust me, the first thing girls do when they get dumped, is try to make him jealous,” she added, laughing. It was just then that I noticed how beautiful she was, I guess I was staring because she said, “What?”

“What?” I said back, she grinned at me, “You were staring at me,”

“You’re beautiful,” I said, not even thinking about her reaction or how I would mess things up, she smiled and stared at the ground.

“Thanks for talking to me, Mickey,” I said, she smiled at me as we turned around to walk back to the Snack Shack, “Anytime,” she chirped. What seemed like out of nowhere, a guy came and slammed into Mickey, knocking her into the roaring ocean, the wave pulled away, leaving her soaking wet and gasping for breath. I knelt down next to her and put a hand on her back as she coughed.

“What’s the matter with you?” I yelled at the guys standing there laughing as she choked, “What are you talking about? It was an accident!” one of them said back, Mickey put a hand on my arm and shook her head. They walked away and I took her hand to help her get up.

“I’m sorry about that,” I said as we kept walking, “It’s alright,” she said, grinning at me with a bright smile, she seemed genuinely happy as we arrived back at the Snack Shack. A woman in her late 20s, who I assumed was Liz, gasped when she saw Mickey. “Mick! What happened?” she asked, looking her up and down, “It’s nothing, just a bunch of boys. You know how they are,” she claimed, walking behind the counter. I was left alone with Liz who stared at me disapprovingly, “You be sweet to her,” she commanded.

“What?” I reacted, she narrowed her eyes at me, “You’re just like the rest of ‘em. Guys come here all the time for Mickey, don’t think you’re something special because she’s nice to you. They all come asking for her, she bounces right back, she gets hurt over ‘n’ over again but acts fine. Don’t step outta line or you dead, boy,” she chided, snapping her gum.

“Okay,” I gulped, Mickey came out, her hair was still wet, but she was wearing dry clothes, “Hey,” she said, looking at Liz, then me, then back at Liz, “Is everything alright?” she asked, Liz faked a smile and nodded.

“We’re fine,” I lied, Mickey saw right through me like I was a window rather than a human, “Don’t worry about Liz, she’s practically my mom,” Mickey expanded, putting a hand on my shoulder. Her touch electrified my skin and warmed my blood, we didn’t know where we were going, but we kept walking along the shoreline. I swallowed hard and smiled at the thought of making Mickey mine as I stared at the ground. Go for it, just breathe... breathe, I told myself. I hesitantly reached over to her hand, our ring fingers touched, then linked together before she slipped her hand into mine with a motion so simple and fluent that it seemed to go in slow motion. I saw her smile in my peripheral vision.

“It’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to want other people,” she whispered, it was almost 100 degrees, but I shivered as her eyes met mine. I could see how much she had been through just by her eyes, they were light blue and beautiful, but full of pain.

“What happened?” I asked, she smiled slightly, she knew what I was talking about. “Well, my dad was a drunk, he lost his job when I was 10. My mom was working until 9 and leaving at 5 AM every day. It was too much for her, she was overworked and I never had a good relationship with her, my dad left me several nights a week. It was just my older brother and I for 5 years before I moved out and changed the way I was living,” she detailed, “I figured if I had someone else in my life, I’d be happy, so boyfriend after boyfriend came in and out of my life, I hurt myself pretty bad. When I was 16, my best friend died, which was my fault. Then, here we are now,” she finished.

“Wow, I’m... I’m really sorry,” I said, which sounded dumb to me, but it was all that I could think of at the moment, “Yeah, well. The world isn’t perfect, but it’s not bad. I’ll be alright,” she said, somehow managing a smile as she pushed her hair behind her ear. At this point I really couldn’t think of anything to say, this girl had come up to me because I was sad. She never brought up herself even once when all of this had been going on in her life. Her parents didn’t have a good relationship with her and her best friend was dead, she’s been hurt by a lot of guys, yet she still manages to be happy.

“I can’t believe that. It’s a lot of stuff to deal with and still think the world is okay,” I remarked, she nodded. “My cancer doesn’t help either,” she said suddenly.

“You have cancer?” I squeaked, she looked over at me, surprised. “Did I not mention that?” I shook my head, “Well, I had a lot of heart problems as a kid, I’m going to the hospital if things get really bad,” she summarized.

“I’ll come to see you if that happens, I swear I will. Give me a call,” I said, she smiled and stared at the ground. “I don’t have your number,” she informed, I fished a marker out of my shorts pocket and wrote it on her hand.

“I’ll call you later,” she said, “I have to get to work. Bye!” she called, running back to the Snack Shack, I wondered when I would get a call from her. Today? Next week? I walked around the beach until it got dark, which wasn’t good, if it’s dark during the summer then it’s probably really late. The walk home was sweet, I thought of Mickey, of the way her touch sent electricity through me, the way my heart flew through my chest when I thought of her.

“Where were you?” dad hissed when I walked into the house.

“I was at the beach,” I returned, he narrowed his eyes at me before walking away to sit with Marcus at the table, “Come eat,” he commanded, I obeyed, listening to the sound of chewing and forks hitting the plate with the goal of impaling food. Although I wasn’t very hungry, I ate. I ran upstairs after I was done to wait and see if Mickey had called me, “You have zero new messages,” a throaty voice said, I breathed out an exasperated sigh and sat on my bed.

The phone rang and I jumped up.

“Hello? Mickey?” I pried quickly, “Who’s Mickey? This is Steve,” Steve said into the receiver, I rolled my eyes.

“What do you want?” I questioned.

“Just to talk. I know you kissed Courtney to make Cole jealous and I saw you with some girl today,”

“So you were spying on me,” I accused.

“No, it wasn’t like that I swear,” he defended.

“I think it was. I’m waiting on a phone call, so I have to go. Bye,” I said, hanging up and setting the phone down, I glanced over at the clock, 9:28. I rolled over, turned out the lights and curled up next to my cat in the dark. At some point around 1 in the morning, the phone rang, I reluctantly got up and answered it.

“Hello?” I croaked sleepily, “Hello, um this is Mickey’s dad. She said if anything ever happened with her heart cancer to call you,” I was instantly up and ready to leave.

“I’ll be at the hospital in 2 minutes,” I returned, not wanting to waste a single second, I ran outside and fumbled with my keys before finally getting into the car and starting it. I drove as fast as my gut was okay with, I held my shaking hands against the wheel in an attempt to steady them, the drive was only 2 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. I ran into the hospital and was instantly greeted into an unknown woman’s arms. “She’s in that room. Hurry,” she whispered, I followed her advice and ran into the room.

“Mickey, are you okay?” I asked quickly, she looked over at me and smiled, wrapped in a spider web of cords and tubes. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, I sat next to her and held her hand tightly. Her heart rate monitor slowed down and she rubbed her thumb against my hand.

“Don’t go. Please don’t leave me,” I sobbed, the monitor stopped beeping and blared a monotonous tone, “Mickey! Please! I still want you! Don’t go!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, not caring who heard me or what they thought. Doctors and parents tried to pull me away from her but I couldn’t let go, I didn’t want to. I can’t remember what happened after that, but I do remember the precious gift that Mickey gave me of always seeing the good in everyone.

I felt like I had known her for years, but it had only been a day, I felt like there was a part of me missing that she had taken with me. I needed that piece of me back, but when I got it back, I wanted her back with it. It felt like I had only blinked when I was laying down on my bed in the dark, crying. There was a soft knock on my door, “Jason? Can I come in?” someone asked, it was a girl, she didn’t wait for me to let her, she knew I needed company, she let herself in and sat down next to me.

“She’s gone, Lindsey,” I whispered to my sister, more tears ran down my face, she put her cool hand on my arm, “I know, I’m sorry,” she whispered back. I couldn’t see through the thickness of the shadow, but it sounded like she was crying. “I knew her... Mickey was my best friend, she never stopped talking about you at all today,” she said, breaking the silence.

“I liked her a lot. They say you can’t know if you like someone within a day, but I’ve never been more sure that I was in love before,” I told her, she nodded, in a way, I wanted her to stay. Marcus never supported me the way Lindsey did, I didn’t like talking about my feelings a lot, but I felt comfortable with talking to her about it. I also needed time to myself as well, “I’ll let you go now, come get me if you need anything,” she whispered, getting up and leaving.

I reached out my hand into the darkness, “Mickey,” I croaked. I could have sworn I felt our hands intertwined, her soft, cool skin pressed up against mine, I put my hand down, but I could still feel her skin. I could only think of her as I drifted off to sleep, after Mickey died, all I had wanted to do was be alone, but now, all I wanted to do was talk about it. I laid awake in bed for several hours, around 2 AM, I got up to talk to Lindsey, I knocked on her door quietly.

“Come on in, Jason,” she said from the other side of the door, I opened it, Lindsey was sitting on her bed with her table lamp on, I stepped in and closed the door behind me. “You okay?” she asked, I started to nod, but shook my head. It was hard to believe that she was younger than me, I was the oldest kid in my family, but sometimes I felt like it was Lindsey. “You want to talk about it?” she asked, I nodded and sat on her bed, she rested a hand on my shoulder and sat patiently.

“I only knew her for one day... It felt like forever,” she nodded, signaling to me that she was listening, “I remembered seeing her on the beach while we walked. Her smile seemed brighter than the sun,” I grinned slightly.

“The way that she loved everyone... the way she... she fully understood what it was like to be human,” I said, struggling for words.

“I think I loved her, Linds,” I stuttered, hot tears flooded my eyes and blurred my vision as I tried to wipe them away. “I know she loved you, Jason. I know she did,” Lindsey whispered, wrapping me in a hug and holding me tight against her as I cried. If there was one thing Lindsey knew how to do, it was hug people. All I could think of that night was Cole, I had to hold her one last time, I had to let her know that I appreciated her and her life. I would miss her if she died, I would see her tomorrow, I thought.

I don’t know how long Lindsey had held me for that night, I just know that I felt bad for all of the times I was mean to her, because no matter how many times I wasn’t there for her, she was there for me. And I realized that I needed her here.

“I don’t care how long it takes, Mickey. I swear that I will wait for you,” I whispered into the dark.

Colette

I hadn’t heard much about Jason’s girlfriend’s death. All I had heard about it was that doctors and parents had to physically pull him off of her. In a way, I felt bad about everything, that I was so rude to him, that I wasn’t there for him. But, he didn’t need me, he wouldn’t miss me if I died one day. All I needed right now, was Dylan, I was seeing him today, and I assumed I would be seeing Jason as well.

I rolled over and stared at the clock, the time read 12:14, I was supposed to be meeting Dylan at the beach at noon.

“Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot,” I mumbled as I stumbled across my room, changing into my bathing suit and pulling on a cover-up. I ran down the stairs as I brushed my hair and my mom called me. “Cole! Don’t you have plans at 12?” she yelled, I rolled my eyes and sighed.

“Yes, mom!!” I ran into the kitchen and ate a banana as fast as I could, “Colette, slow down,” she warned I threw away the peel and dialed Dylan’s number into the phone, it rang.

“Hello, Colette,” he said coolly.

“Hey! Dylan, I’m so sorry, I’m going to be late.”

“No worries, I’m just about to leave. I’ll meet you at the Snack Shack.” he said, hanging up. I breathed out in relief as I grabbed my towel and shoved it into my beach bag, “Do you need me to drive you?” mom asked me, I shook my head.

“I’ll walk, it’s nice today,” mom nodded and sipped her coffee, I slid into my flip flops and ran out the door, the warm air filled my lungs and the sun kissed my skin adoringly. “Hi, Cole!” the neighborhood kids yelled, I waved back at them as they continued tackling each other. My beach bag was still stocked with sunglasses, mascara, money, and snacks as I pushed my blonde hair behind my ear.

“Cole, I’m so glad I caught you,” Courtney said, falling into step with me, I looked away from her and pretended to look for something. “You haven’t answered any of my calls,” she said, I glared at her, although I hadn’t been aware that she had called, I was still upset that she had the guts to.

“Well, most girls get upset when they see their best friend kissing their ex boyfriend,” I said sarcastically, her face softened. “Cole, I’m really sorry, I should have asked you,” she started, I didn’t wait for her to finish, I sped up my pace and crossed the street, putting more distance between us. I knew it was mean, I just didn’t want to say anything I’d regret later, the walk to the beach was short and before I knew it, I was there.

“Hello, Colette,” Dylan said, putting an arm around me as I pushed my sunglasses back up on my head, I was about to answer back when I saw Jason. He looked up at me from the Snack Shack, his eyes were red and he looked like he hadn’t slept at all, I held up an index finger to him, signaling for him to wait a second, he nodded.

“Um, do you mind if I go check on my... my friend?” I stuttered, Dylan shrugged and nodded, I went over to Jason and sat down, he stared at the table.

“You okay?” I asked, he didn’t look up at me, he clenched and unclenched his fists before leaving them still on the table. “No,” he said finally, he stared up at me, his blue eyes clouded over by a shield of tears about to spill over.

“What’s the matter?” I requested, he blinked and tears traced down his face, it hurt me to see him cry like that, I hadn’t seen Jason upset in my life. He never seemed to care about other people, but maybe he did for once.

“Mickey is gone, Cole. Gone,” he cried, more tears raced down his skin. I had never experienced a loss like that, at least not with someone that I was close with, I didn’t know how I could comfort him. I put a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey. It’s all gonna be okay,” I stammered, he looked up at me, more tears came. “It’s gonna be okay? Cole, I think she was the one,” he whispered, I nodded, not knowing what else to say, “That was the girl I was going to marry,” he said softly. He leaned over and hugged me, crying into my shirt. I held him tight, I started to cry as well, I hated seeing people upset, no matter who they were.

“Just know that I’m here for you,” I said, he sniffled and pulled away. “Cole,” he started, I braced for an impact of hurtful words. “I know,” he said, I let my guard down, “You were always there for me. I was the one that wasn’t there for you. I was always too busy being ‘Mr. Cool’ to actually realize how important you are to me. The way that you would always answer my calls at 2 in the morning, even if it was stupid, you would talk to me. Cole, you mean so much to me and I literally never tell you that,” he recollected. How do I respond when someone compliments me like that?

Finally, I found something to say, “No, It’s okay to feel that way. It really is, I’ve been in a lot of situations exactly like the one you’re in. It was about a month before we started dating, I was dating a guy named Eli. I felt like he was the only one doing work in the relationship because I was always the one that needed help, he seemed to have everything under control. Now, you feel like you’re the one always needing help and I’m the one in control.” he nodded.

“I feel like I’m always needing you but you actually have a life, I don’t,” he started, “Stop, don’t talk like that. I’m breaking inside, I just can’t show it. You will always have me and Lindsey. Just because Mickey’s gone-”

He winced.

“Just because she isn’t here with you, doesn’t mean you can’t still love her,” I said, he looked up at me, I pushed my hair away from my face.

“I do still love her, Cole. I do, it’s just-”

I blinked at him.

“Nevermind,” he said suddenly. “No, tell me, it’s good to talk about things.”

“I know, but I need to talk about this with Mickey or Linds, not you.”

His words stung, my eyes watered. I bit my lip to keep from crying. “I get it, it’s okay,” I said, trying to sound as nice as possible. I turned around and started walking away, faster than I had ever wanted to. Jason called out to me, telling me to stop, but I couldn’t, I didn’t want to.

The walk home seemed to take seconds, but by the time I had gotten back, it was 2 PM, I sat down on the couch and sighed.

“Look out, grumpy teenager on the premises,” my friend, Marley, teased. “Marley? Why are you here?” I asked, he wasn’t due to come for another three weeks.

“I had something to tell you,” he said, I raised an eyebrow, “It was urgent, I couldn’t wait.”

“Okay, what’s so urgent?” I asked, he grabbed my hand and pulled me outside into the broiling hot afternoon, next thing I knew, we were in the woods, leaves crunching beneath our feet. “My Special Spot,” I said, grinning.

Marley put one hand on my back and the other hand on my cheek. He pulled me in, kissing me, I shoved him away. “What are you doing?!” I yelped, backing away from him.

“Cole, I’ve loved you since 4th grade,” he proclaimed. I shook my head, walking out of my Special Spot and out of the woods altogether. Marley followed after me, grabbing my hand, I yanked it away.

“I can’t love you, Marley!” I yelled.

“Why?!” he screamed back.

“Because I’m already in love!”

“What?” he asked quietly, stepping back as if my words hit him.

“Yes, I’m in love with a guy named Dylan.”

“No way, you’re making this up,” he said, waving a dismissive hand at me and walking away. I turned around angrily just to see him glance back one more time. Once again, I found myself walking back home alone, no escorts, no friends, no boyfriends. No one. I was all alone, the silence hung in the air with a deafening echo that only I could hear.

Of course Marley was upset, I had embarrassed him. I embarrassed my best friend, I yelled at my ex, I moved on within an hour. How much worse could I be? I trudged home, the heat was weighing me down, the humidity made my breathing heavy and slow. My hands shook and my knees felt weak. At that point, I blacked out.

I woke up to my family, “Everyone back up, she’s coming to,” my dad commanded.

“What happened?” I asked groggily, my mom helped me sit up. “Sweetie, it’s too hot out here, we need to get you home,” dad told me, I nodded absently. It was just then that I realized that most of the small neighborhood was there, all of our neighbors and friends and my parent’s coworkers.

Mom helped me stand up while dad steadied me, we slowly walked home, I felt like my lungs were filled with salt and my vocal cords were filled with broken seashells. By the time we got home, I wasn’t shaking anymore and I could walk by myself.

“Be careful, Cole,” mom warned me.

I nodded and sat down on the couch, mom brought me some water and put a cool cloth on my forehead. “Do you need to rest?” mom asked, I shook my head and tried to get up.

“Take it easy today, Cole,” my dad said, I rolled my eyes internally but sat back down anyway. My dad turned on The Wonder Years and went back into the kitchen to get some snacks for me. There was a knock at the door and dad got up to answer it, “Hey, are you here for Cole?” he asked.

“Yeah,” a male voice said, Dylan walked into the house and sat with me on the couch.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him, he shrugged. “I heard you fainted or something so I wanted to see if you were okay,” he said, I smiled shyly.

“I also have something to tell you,” he said, his blue eyes serious.

“Okay....? What is it?” I asked, he sighed, “I’m moving to Texas in a few weeks,” he said suddenly.

“What?” I exclaimed, surprised, “How long do we have?” I pried, he shrugged again and said, “Probably about 2 weeks.”

I exhaled in response. “I’m really sorry,” he said finally.

I was about to respond but he was too fast, “I know you’re upset. You have plenty of reasons to be mad at me for leaving you and going to Texas without you, but this is gonna be better for you, trust me,” he said quietly. I wanted to trust him, I really did. But I couldn’t.

“I can’t believe I thought we could stay together without something like this happening,” I said, shaking my head. He put a hand on my shoulder and I stared up at him, he was crying. “You make it sound like I want to leave you,” he said, his voice shaking and cracking slightly.

“I don’t think you want to, but you’re 17, you have a choice on whether you stay or leave,” I pointed out, we sat in silence for a while until he stood up and mumbled, “I have to go.”

I knew he didn’t have to go, I knew that what I had said hit something inside of him. I knew that I had hurt him in some way. “It’s okay, sweetie. He’ll be back,” my dad said to me, sitting down on the couch. I hadn’t noticed, but I had started crying as well, I didn’t think that he was The One for me but I felt like we were going to stay together for at least a very long time.

“I’m going upstairs,” I mumbled, my dad stood up, then sat back down again. I walked up the stairs and took a right turn into my bedroom, I inhaled deeply then let it out. Oliver was still on my bed, which was basically where he lived because he was very old. I pet him gently and he barked weakly, his breathing became quick and heavy, next thing I knew he was weezing.

“Mom! Something’s wrong with Oliver!” I yelled, mom ran up the stairs and into my room, she looked up at me with a worried expression on. “Get him to the car,” she said sternly, I picked him up, his weezing continued. We ran out to the car and I set him in my lap, mom slammed on the gas and we sped out of the driveway, Oliver looked up at me and whimpered. At that point, I had already started to cry. I gathered up Ollie and took him into the vet, the veterinarian called emergency and ushered us into the room, I laid Oliver down on the table and the veterinarian examined him.

“He’s in a lot of pain,” she said, I started crying harder, “We’re going to have to put him down, I’m sorry,” the vet said, I hugged my mom and continued crying as she got the shot out. “Would you like to say goodbye?” she asked, I nodded.

“You did good, Ollie. I love you,” I said, my voice breaking. I hugged him and let out a wail as she put the shot into him. His whimpering stopped and his eyes closed. Mom embraced me as I shook, my knees felt weak, I sunk to the floor, mom and the vet sat down with me as I continued to cry.

“I’m really sorry, sweetheart,” the vet said, her auburn locks fell just past her shoulders and she stared at me with her green eyes, I couldn’t see very well and my vision was blurred by my tears but I nodded. “C’mon, Cole. Let’s go home,” mom said, helping me up, she put her arm around my should as we walked back to the car. I rested my chin on my hand and stared out the window, neither of us said a word.