Lost?

You know, I think that I think too much. There is so much noise in my brain but I can hardly ever make sense of what the noise is or what it’s saying. 

Every good story I have to tell is either way too personal, already been told too much, I can’t remember it, or a mix of those three. You know I’ve heard of blink-182 but I’ve never listened to them until today. It’s one song but I think I’m addicted. It’s kinda the right kind of sad and poppy music I need at the moment. It’s called Let Me Down. They are singing with Oliver Tree, I’ve never heard of him. Getting lost in the right music is bliss. If I play it loud enough the static of my mind is harder to hear. Normally, that static is just there, it doesn't bother me. But right now everything is getting to me. You know I feel like it’s ironic that I’m reading (great)  a book called The Gifts of Imperfection - it’s pretty much a self-help book - but I feel worse now than when I started reading. Granted, the two probably have nothing to do with each other but you can’t say you don’t see the irony.

I have a bunch of stuff on the wall of my bedroom, I’m pretty sure it’s a fire hazard. I have a bunch of awards I got to like the green bookworm award I got at the end of 7th grade and the participation award for playing volleyball last year. It just kinda makes me sad right now. I’m not really getting that validation right now and I think it’s starting to take a toll. I don’t think a lot of people get what school is for me. It’s really just a place for me to have people tell me “Wow, you are such a great student,”. I mean, don’t get me wrong I love to learn but the validation is most definitely my favorite part.

I feel like that should be really obvious because I tell the story all the time about how I really wanted an award in 4th grade and some other girl got it. I was so angry. I remember how they said that she was so polite. She even said “Thank you,” after she had sneezed and someone said, “Bless you.” So, from then on - meaning about a month after she got that award (I didn’t want to seem like a copycat)-  I said “Thank you'' to the people who said “Bless you” after I sneeze.