Just Let Go

A smile bit at the corners of her lips

a million thoughts flying through her mind

yet not a single one was about the essay

that her friends assumed she was worried about

No, she was thinking about the coolness of water

as it submerged her deeper into darkness

she was thinking about the roughness of a rope

that wrapped around her neck when she stepped off

she was thinking about the pop of pills

that would take her away from this world

because she didn’t mind the idea of dying

because anything was better than living in this nightmare

that people dared to believe was a dream come true

And she was thinking about the shiny little blade

that she ran across her wrists, just so that she could feel something

something real, just so that she could say she was still human

as little red beads of crimson dripped and shined from her skin like rubies

And she pulled her long sleeves further down

hiding the scars that shot across her arms like shooting stars

because they were something she was supposed to be ashamed about

and the thought of being called an attention-seeker killed her inside

because depression was just something everyone had

it was just a phase

So when she cried herself to shreds at night

choking on her own sobs

all she could think about was the word liar

Because her friends told her she was just lying, that it didn’t matter

they told her that the problems she had would pass

even though the weight in her chest never went away

and her thoughts became even darker than before

and she kept telling herself it will pass

she kept telling herself that she was making a big deal out of nothing

she kept telling herself that what she was feeling wasn’t valid

even as the screams of the little girl inside her

told her that these were only lies to keep her afloat

and each day kept dragging her farther and farther down

and she kept forcing herself to smile in front of a crowd of people

who never really cared about her at all

and this cycle kept going on and on

until finally she collapsed from the weight of the world

Because isn't it better to just let go?

and she asked herself this as the night wind whipped around her

as she stared at the crashing waves below

and thought about the freedom she'd feel with letting go

because it's not like anyone really needed her

she was just a waste of space

the wind wove its fingers through her hair

as she recalled the letters she addressed to her family sitting on her desk

everything was ready for her to leave

all she had to do was let go

and she did