Slightly Obsessed

You know those videos that you have to watch in free games where they advertise something you're totally not interested in? Well, I was bored one day in March and decided I'd download Bitlofe. I don't know why I did it. Maybe I was bored of the vacuous abyss that is conversation with horny men online or maybe my curiosity has been piqued long before and the newfound silence let me really ponder the idea. So, I doenload this game. I will pause to say that I am NOT a gamer. It's not that I don't have the smarts and skill to figure it out. I just typically don't have the energy or stamina or desire to keep up with it. So, my games of choice typically are simulation games. I like pressing buttons, seeing the results, and clapping like a retarded seal. Therefore, Bitlife has everything I want.

Here is the part where I turn into a commercial and say, "it's great, I love it, blah blah blah." To be fair. I dropped a whole Lincoln (5 dollars, if you're not American or are rich) on this damn game and I am milking it for every fricking penny. So, the basic set up is that you are born (angel music) and you have a button where you age up. As you age up, you can do more stuff. You get vaccinated in a lot of cases, go to school, make friends, etc. But, there's also options. You can read booka to gain smarts, you can meditate and diet and shit to have better health (or worse because choices). You can get plastic surgery to look better and go to movies to gain happiness. Those are your four pillars, by the way, happiness, health, smarts, and looks. Then, you can make life choices too. You can emigrate to another country, go to the doctor, buy a pet (or 23), fuck random people, commit crimes ranging from being a delinquent to murder to traim robbery, make a will, vacation, etc. The whole time you're living, the board has a running log of everything you do. As you age, it will tell you some random news (wars, your sibling getting married, something abour your relationships, etc.) and may prompt you to choose on a random event (your kid asking you to pay their tuition, co-worker coming onto you, you finding a random purse, some jackass cutting you off while driving, etc.) or update you on your life (you're sick, your mom remarried, your dad died, etc.), then log shit you decide to do in that year. When you die, if you have the full game, I don't know how to explain why I like it so much, so I guess I'll give an example.

Today when I played, I was a 14-year-old whose mother died in jail after killing his asshole father that cheated on her (I do get invested, Im not gonna lie). He slept around because I was bored and on my lunch break. So, from the age of 16 to 23, he had 24 kids. You can hook up with people (10 at a time) and have dates and also donate sperm so yeah, had a busy lunch break (drum sound). He also has syphilis, chlamydia, genital herpes, gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, and HIV. Once I get HIV, I stop curing the other shit bevause what's the use? He didn't work and died at 31 from complications with HIV. He had 30 kids at the time of his death, all under the age of 15. Because I have the full game, I chose to be one of his kids, who carried on his legacy. So, I started as a 9-year-old girl who was raised by a single mom and had 30 hald siblings. Despite my obvious lack of care and standards, she rose from the gutter, got a law degree, got married, had six very cute kids (they're cartoons but still...), and got to live out her glory days alongside her husband and surrounded by her loving family. Once she died, I picked a kid and so the cycle continues. My longest generation is 3,000 years (though I tend to fuck around and die around the 2500 mark) and my oldest person was 110.

I think I like simulation games because I don't have to think, but they make me want to. Why is it easier to be terrible than to be good? How can a gopher bite kill you? (The game will tell you if you got rabies or if something mauled/ate you.) What number is a good number of victims to stop on? I think all of those questions every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I really like BitLife because I get the same thrill from pressing a button that I would from denying someone a dick pic or fucking with a stranger, and unlike human contact, it never gets boring and I love it. Though, I'd love it even more if they took heed to me pole jocking and cut me a fucking check for advertising their game. -_- I'm clearly broke if $5, is a lot for a phone game.