Be.

There are things, most things worth learning, that you have to figure out for yourself. I've learned, maybe it takes a village - but if you're not living your life for who you really are, there is no point in anyone having any part of you at all.

People pulled me aside. You look like you're on speed. I ate bowls of ice cream, cake, you get it, to appease them. But inside, I was losing important neuron connections. It wasn't just about appearance anymore. Cortisol pumped through me, which I later learned changes your brain. I couldn't, and wouldn't take their advice. I had to be pure.

And I still suffer for it.

My brain on good days is still wired badly. I have spent a decade putting the pieces back together. You must understand that rehab, constant, grueling rehab, takes away a part of yourself you had taken for granted; you lose touch with definitions that you had previously used freely. Definitions of being.

If you're reading this far, please understand that hating yourself changes you. Not just psychologically - chemically. Even if you're not really taking speed.

I look at fashion models now and know the value of a good slice of cake.

Know that your body is whole as it is.