The Warning

I came across this in my old notes tonight. I can hardly reconize the person I used to be. I am so grateful to have found myself and my worth. Reading it doesn't make me sad or long for things to have been different. It actually makes me more proud of the woman I am today.

Go ahead stuff your mind with all kinds of thoughts, feelings and unspoken emotions and not share them with me, so that you can pull them out to beat me with them all at once. Or better yet, slowly let them chip away bits of what we have left. Slowly push me away as you always do. You no longer want to heal what you have broken, instead you throw salt in the wounds.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm fighting so hard for. Then I hear your voice telling me that no one else would ever want me. Your words have tortured me and have held me captive. You have taken myself worth and grated it like cheese on the pizza that you have devoured. And still I try to be who you want me to be, all while knowing I will never be that person or enough for you.

So sleep well on that pillow tonight, as I know the only heart that is breaking and the only tears that are falling will be mine. But listen carefully to what I about to say and let it serve as a warning to you. There will soon come a day when you will reach for me and all you will feel is the chill in the air. No longer will my warm tears of desperation fall for you and at that point it will be too late, because I will be gone forever.

3-21-2014