So this isn't exactly something funny but here are some of my comebacks. I have said these all at least once.

1) (When someone calls me sick) Oh no hon, I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Get it right. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure. (Hon being a southern insult for "idiot, I'm just too nice to call someone that.)

2) (Go to hell) Can't. Devil forbid me to even look that way. He knew if I showed up that I'd best him in 1-on-1 combat while he's armed and I'm bare handed. And if I did that, he'd have to give up his throne.

3) (f*** it!) No thanks, I'm good. I'll wait till I'm married.

4) (when someone, specifically a guy, is being tempermental) Are you on your period? Need some midol? I got some midol. (I did this to my boyfriend earlier just joking around, he wasn't being tempermental though. Another funny thing about it though is, I don't have midol, I never do. I either take a tylenol/ibuprofen once during that time of month, or I suffer and I usually suffer.)

5) (At random moments when no one even says anything or if the question isn't a yes or no question) No. No. No. No. No. No.

6) (to myself when I think something stupid) Did you switch brains with someone today?! Why on earth would that even occur to you dumba**! Okay, we aren't a dumba** but still that was stupid.