Social Corruption

Prompt: In 1000 words or less, talk about your past regret(s).

A/N: This is written in first person perspective of my OC, Eridæus.

miir is an honorific for teacher, like sensei in Japanese.

kos is an honorific for a stranger.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Kaiseevee Tribe is my life-force. They are the ones who brought me into the world, and they are the ones who keep me alive. Without my tribemates, my parents, our leader, our shaman, the farmers, the gathers, the hunters; we would all perish.

And yet because I was taught this, because I was shown this; I never questioned them. I never thought to think for myself and take one, small moment to question things. When the shaman told me the thoughts I had about changing my body were whisperings of The Devil, I believed him. When I was told that I could not change my appearance, for it would disrespect the Arcana, I believed it. I believed that those thoughts of mine, thoughts that I had every right to think of, were wrong, I believed it and I shut them down the moment they crossed my mind.

I never bothered to ask, "Why? How? That doesn't make sense given how the twenty-one Arcana have benevolence towards man? Why would wanting to dress more like a man be a disrespect to my body? Why would wanting my body be 'disrespectful' if such thoughts were granted by The Arcana for me to have? Why would it be so wrong to use magic in such a way, if The Arcana gave man a free will?"

It was only until Asra-miir visited that all of these things, these little pinpricks of questions, finally came into fruition to me. That night, as he showed me a tarot reading, the pale-haired foreigner looked at me and asked, "Do you think, Eridæus, those rules you follow force you into a box?"

"A 'box?'"

"Yes, like a very small animal pen," he explained to me. "Or, a small container for items."

"...I am not sure what you mean," I answered him warily. I remembered thinking to myself to be careful, and not let his potential words of corruption and blasphemy get into my head. "They do not force me into a 'box,' they are the rules. They are the truths of The Arcana, to not follow them is to heed the calls of The Devil."

Asra-miir's violet eyes seemed to flicker with a sadness that night, as if he were pitying me. I only felt more defensive and confused at his expression and the silence between us before he started again, "But, if The Arcana are benevolent to man and they give you all these wonderful things, why would they suddenly put a few rules on very specific subjects, just to limit you?"

"Asra-kos," I began to re-gather my belongings and grabbed my pouch, "You should be very careful about what you are saying. I understand you are a foreigner, but those types of topics are very disrespectful to The Arcana. They are the helpers of man, to question that is to question their intent and there is only one of the main twenty-two that is valid of such actions."

"It is not The Arcana I question, Eridæus. It is the ones preaching about The Arcana that I question."

I was at a loss of words at the time, all I could think of was something about what he said kept poking at me, and I didn't want it to. I wanted to hide, I wanted to get them out of my head. Reflecting on it now, I know it was because it was a true, legitimate counter--that it was a matter of questioning what my tribe preached to me, not The Arcana themselves.

But why would I question my tribe? Why would I do the very thing that is a death sentence in Xaranya? It didn't feel right, it felt unnatural and terrifying. If I were to question my tribe, that would mean I had no one, it would mean I was completely alone. Why would I want to think about something that encouraged an element of death, my death?

As Asra-miir continued the rest of his stay on our grounds, his words never left me--no matter how much I tried. The old days of my youger years began to resurface; questioning why we followed certain aspects of our tradition that didn't paint The Arcana in the many-sided nature we preach for all aspects of life, or the frightening possibility that Asra-miir was right that those speaking of The Arcana were to be questioned.

Those two weeks were nothing but a hailstorm of emotions conflicting within me. Part of me wanted to bury it away, to shut it out and dismiss Asra-miir as a stranger who knew nothing about The Arcana, and followed a religion that wasn't true to them. But it never went away, the prodding feeling always came back to keep me up at night and I eventually realized that I couldn't hide away from it anymore; Asra-miir had a point.

It took much of my courage, but after Asra-miir offered me a position to be his apprentice in magic, I announced it to my family and the tribe. They seemed concerned, but I was able to emphasize that I wished to see the outside world and the other sides of the world. At least in this type of philosophy, they were not so constrictive.

To this day, I will always regret following into what people call 'herd mentality,' not bothering to stop and think or even bother to ask instead of obeying out of fear. I am honored that Asra-miir came to visit us, and I believe The Arcana destined for this to happen, to help me realize my blind complacency.

I will always love my tribe, and I will always be thankful to the lessons, morals, teachings, and support they've given me for a large part of my life. However, I will always be happier that Asra-miir took me to Vesvuia--where I learned I didn't need to be inside a box.