Conversations I Never Had #6

We sat there on the bench beneath a streetlamp that hummed and spat in a steady electric drone. The little puddle of light at our feet that’d been flickering dim since we first sat down, now finally gave in and buzz and puddle both were swallowed instantly by the outer dark.

‘Look’ she said finally ‘its like this...the conciousness of a leaf has a sacred urge to be just that - a leaf. Right?’.

‘Sure’ i said, sounding as prickish as possible. I could just barely make her face out in the dark but could tell from her voice she’d had enough of my sullen company.

’Yes its simple. Yes its very direct.

But its not so much different from yours or mine. It’s a sense really - all this business of conciousness, like sight or sound.We see and hear just enough - just exactly what we need to to get by in our own skins. Thats how life learns itself. Its taken millions of years, but all the conciousness spread out over all the world, every bit of it, it all hatched from the urge of one single solitary cell. There may have been others before it, but that one was the only one that listened. And definitely the only one that answered'.

I didn’t respond. The puddle appeared again at our feet just as suddenly as it’d left and the streetlamp resumed its buzzing. 

 ‘Anyhow’ she said ‘one things for goddamn sure’ she took a long drag from her cigarette and stared out at some unknown point in deep of night. ‘If we all started out the same... if everything was born from some singularity sat way back there in the beginning - then its likely enough we’ll finish out that way too.’

She stood up to leave then, but just before walking off she turned back and stared at me hard for a minute.

‘I suppose thats exactly why my dear boy,’ she said, and slapped the boot dangled across my knee ‘your isolation is so fucking absurd.’