The Worst Feeling

The worst feeling in the world... You know what I’m talking about, right? The feeling that comes to you late at night when you can’t sleep... the feeling that makes you feel worse with each passing second. When you lay their crying hard into your pillow, willing yourself to stop, to not bother anyone, but you can’t. And as you lay, you think the most awful things; family and friends dying, how death in general is inevitable, how the world is so unfair and their’s nothing you can do to change it. As the tears begin to slow and you can manage to take some deep breaths, another wave crashes over you and you’re drowning in that awful feeling and for one awful second, you imagine being dead. No more guilt, no more pain, no more sorrow. That’s the beauty of it right? But no, there is more to live for. There were days when you were so unbelievably happy. Where’s that joy now? But as that feeling starts to go away, and you wipe your eyes and nose with the back of your hand, you let sleep overcome you and you lay your head on your tear-soaked pillow, waiting for morning to come.