My Life

I smile everyday

Everyday I smile

Everyone thinks I’m happy

But I just wanna die.

Its not because of abuse

Its not because of loss

Its because I’m being bullied

And that’s not the only cause.

My family is good

I was brought up well

But my stict parents

Make my tears swell. (That’s a story for another time)

I loved school

I was cheerful

But now I fear

Even chatting with small groups.

I’m only 14

Yet I’m ridiculed for having brown skin

Yet they say I’m disgusting

As if I live in the trash bins.

I help them do their homework

I try to join in chats

I try to get noticed

But I’m invisible at the back.

Is it a crime

To be born brown?

Did I make a mistake?

Should I deserve to drown?

I smile in public.

But if you see me at home

I cry everyday

I don’t make my sadness known.

I get good grades

The teachers love me

But I don’t understand

Why they can’t stand the sight of me.

I didn’t use to have social anxiety,

I never had suicidal thoughts

Now there are cut marks on my hand

And bruises on my thighs.

If I tell my parents

The bullyings at school

They say ’Is it everyone’s fault

Or is it just you?′

Pep talks, after self motivations

I got back up strong

Ready to change it

But still, there’s no difference.

Now here I am,

Once a motivator, now a sociopath

My emptiness consumes me

I don’t know when I’ll get my happiness back.