My secret?

I have a lot of secrets.

But I suppose the one that I'm struggling most with at the minute.

I'm an obsessive daydreamer.

I know the impression that gives, and I want to refute that. I'm not an airhead - I went to school, got grades better than the majority of the country. I'm not someone who lacks confidence either - hell, I might hate myself, but I wear who I am with pride, screw ups and all.

That's not my secret. I'm pretty open to the fact that hey - I daydream, and it's a coping method.

No, what I keep secret is how much I do it and just how damn much it affects me. Just how much I'm falling behind in work because I can't stop slipping into my mind.

This facade I've built - it won't take admitting that I need therapy less than a month after I finished it. I can take pain, I can take bad shit happening, but what I can't take - what kills me inside - is that I can't stop this. (It's not for lack of trying.)

And the thing is, see, had it been something physical (I have OCD) I could have snapped myself out of it. I've done it before.

So I suppose my secret is that I spend at least 40-45% of my time daydreaming or wishing I could slip into a daydream.

I hate it. I hate myself.

I'm never going to show that though. That's just not who I am today.