The Presidential Hellhole

It is time to answer everybody's damn questions about the state of the planet. I drink an entire bottle of wine and poured myself some bourbon, just out of the camera's view of course.

God forbid I look even remotely unprofessional after this clown has been in office for so damn long...Here we go...

I look at the time and realize that I will be here for exactly 36 hours, and then, although people will want me to stay longer, I will have to leave, disappointing countless citizens by not answering their extremely timely, urgent, and important questions. As I'm joining the live stream, I take another sip of bourbon, downing it quickly so that no one notices before my face appears on the screen.

I'm going to need it.

I began looking at my tasks for the day: Fix climate change by making electric vehicles cheaper, make sure people wear masks because we are in a pandemic, demilitarize the police and make sure cops don't shoot black folks for absolutely no reason, and then there is the matter of Roe vs. Wade...

I put my head into my hands.

This was far too much to ask of any human being, and in 36 hours, no less.

I realize that, as usual, I have been assigned an impossible task and will simply have to carry on with it, try to address these issues, and, most likely, fail.

A comment pops up on my screen. It's from Melissa in Seattle.

"Will women have the right to an abortion?"

I respond, "I will do everything in my power to make sure that that is the case."

"Yes, but will it actually be the case?"

"Sure," I type back, exasperated.

I have fifty to get through and they keep coming: "When will you start addressing climate change? This is an emergency!" "How long will this pandemic last, exactly?" "What will you do to better the economy?"

I sigh and began answering one at a time.

"I'm working on an initiative that will make electric vehicles more affordable," "I don't know how long it will last but I will focus my efforts on improving your access to medical resources and enforcing stringent safety guidelines."

There is someone disappointed with every single answer, so I then have to scroll up to see the questions which keep on coming like a hailstorm that never ceases to end.

With all of this chatter in my mind, there is absolutely no way in hell I'm going to get this all done while also responding to comments.

I groan.

Why on earth did I accept this job? It is literally the most stressful thing I've agreed to in my entire life.