Imminent Danger

Day 1:

“Scoot over captain! As your president, it is your duty to let me fly the plane.”

“But sir that really isn’t protocol.”

“Is it protocol to have a president for only 36 hours? Do I have time to do all the things I want to do?”

“Sir –”

“Like spend a weekend at the country house, or have a week-long bowling tournament in the basement next to the private flower shop? To get flowers from that flower shop for all my upcoming prospective dates? To eat every vegetable available from the Whitehouse garden? To meet all 103 staff members who live in the mansion and their families? To ride in all 17 limousines, called “the beast?” To lose twenty pounds while I have access to the weight room with the private, personal trainer? Do you think they gave me the $400,000 a year salary, or the $250,000 a year pension, or the $200,000 a year post presidency travel plan? Will I get a lifetime of private security provided by the secret service? Do you even think it’s slightly possible I’ll end up in enough imminent danger, while facilitating world peace, to require rescuing in the Marine One, super chopper?"

“Sir –"

“No, of course they didn’t provide any of the perks. So, stop calling me Sir and move over captain; I’m flying the plane!”