big sad

my friend has the big sad.

she deflects and jokes and says it’s okay,

but she stares at the knives in her kitchen drawer and thinks, ‘i die today.’

my friend has the big sad.

her mom is sick, and it’s gotten bad.

my friend stays alive for her mom and her dad, but she’s tired of holding on.

so i try to text her every day,

do what i can.

the big sad doesn’t really go away, even knowing someone cares,

but maybe it’ll shrink.