WHO NEEDS FRIENDS LIKE THIS?

Dear sandflea68:  I’ve been meaning to get something off my chest but have hesitated to do so because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. First of all, who in the hell do you think you are, calling yourself sandflea68? What are you thinking? Do you think you have a little imaginary friend or something? In my opinion, I think it’s because you feel small and insignificant. You’ve never achieved your potential and have wasted most of your life dabbling in painting, writing, sewing, making jewelry and for all I know you’re now into the crayoning phase. And you read way too many books and spend time writing them also. You’ll never be successful. Some people never grow up and accept responsibility like they should.

I really think you should wear your hair differently. It’s way too dark and looks harsh and unbecoming. Why don’t you go blonde? Are you having any luck in losing your extra weight? Last time I saw you, you looked like a cow on stilts.

Do you still have trouble pronouncing certain words? If you only used simple words, it would be much easier. Why do you want to have such a large vocabulary anyway? It makes you appear pretentious.

I wonder if you are still married to that ugly slob. I hope that you realize that you are way smarter than he is, which isn’t saying much! Well, at least it’s better than the two who went before him. I wonder when this new one will get tired of you? You’ll really have to work on your looks if you hope to keep him but then, why would you want to?

Well, I have a busy schedule of pursuing intellectual quests so I have to sign off. I feel much better now that I have talked to you about your issues. Have a nice day! Love, your oldest and dearest friend