in the center _ the explosives in waiting

sit down and begin. what troubles you?

I don’t even know where to start. It’s a lot

that’s alright, just go whenever you’re ready

/ the voice is a whisper when she speaks /

but where is that place?

what place, love?

the beginning of it all... I can’t see where the first string is, I can’t even grab it, TOUCH it. can you? can anyone?

I’m a bit confused. when you say a “string”...

my string, the first thing that pulled me down that damn hill.

well then, as they say, let’s start at square one. What brought you here?

you already know.

I am familiar with the situation, but what sits in your mind? what prevents you from sleeping? why are there so many strings that pull on you?

/ low sigh, the chair creaks against the tile floor /

It’s a lot.

yes, I am aware. Now, begin when you will remember where your voice is / trust me, it’s still there, silently screaming through much thicker walls that you built around yourself

is it still possible to break through something that you’re not even sure exists?

come one now, you and I both know, the walls are real / you both saw mine and felt yours.

yes, you’re right / but I’m just so tired of the same thing happening all over again. it hurts. numb pain shouldn’t hurt, but it does / it’s scary because it’s placed under all that was good. it’s painful to...

continue...

to shove my hand under the bones, and touch the insides / they’re already bruised from before / from so many times before. Do you know what scares me the most?

what is it? please tell me.

it’s that damn scale in my life. it shatters me in ways I cannot tell

a scale?

for every little good thing that happens, something worse comes after.

every time?

yes... no.

/ the woman looks down at her hands, trying to prevent the emotions from taking over, it’s not easy /

It seems that this time despite all the bad that has happened, a sense of fulness lingers.

what kind of fulness?

It’s a sensation of feeling less broken / or maybe the same, just...

/ she looks up and eventually braves herself to find the other set of eyes in the room /

do you think it’s possible to be both broken and heal over time?

/ a gentle smile opens up to her from the other person and she exhales, not aware that she was holding her breath /

yes, I believe it’s very possible. we remain broken in some form our entire lives, but with the right people by our side and inner work of our own...

that sounds very new age

let down your guard, love. no reason to defend yourself, I’m here for you and only you

/ her chest moves deeper and she nods as if a child caught red-handed /

yes, you’re right... please continue?

/ a steady nod /

the right person not only for your mind but for your soul changes things. they allow your broken pieces to mend, coating them in warmth and patience, with understanding / the broken things within you shall always remain in some form, a steady echo of your scars and bruises, a living organism, but with the ones that are good for you, your wounds will stop bleeding and it won’t be as heavy anymore... do you feel that?

/ a sense of calm approaches her, even though she feels how unsteady she is

in all of this /

Yes, I feel it / and I have been feeling it for some time now, close 380 days of warmth and softness reaching my bruised heart, my once pained soul / don’t get me wrong, I’m still in pieces, and the pain lingers in small spaces and some bigger ones... but I changed.

but with a long way to go?

Yes, but better... because of you

/ the other person shifts in their chair, seeming uncomfortable but it’s the way

they handle big waves of emotions crushing into them without warning /

you have done the same for me...

we do such beautiful things for each other

yes, and we will continue to do, we have so much to live through / now, can you touch

the first string yet?

it’s still a struggle... but I will try

take your time, I’m here. looking for a few mangled up strings myself / can we proceed?

it so hard... but yes

/ a calm now and soft voice answers /

perfect, now allow me to hear you, even if your voice still screams / It’s alright, I’m not going anywhere unless you ask

/ another nod and slowly, without rush, they continue /

it won’t be easy riding a storm that hides in both of them, they have been challenged by life and bruised in so many places that at times they close up, their hearts and minds shutting down for protection / thankfully it’s a process that’s not permanent / and in the end they find a way back

eventually every soul centers back to its steady core / to a place where the cold eases and gentle fingers embrace you in their warm hands / the way to that fragment of yourself is long but worth it every time / be kind to yourself, even when it seems the hardest thing in the world to even remember who you are