A Blue Book Testimonial

In third grade I saw my teacher tear up in front of a classroom of thirty elementary school students. A plane had just hit the World Trade Center. It was the first time I had seen this kind of emotion in an adult. She was still in shock two days later when blue books appeared on our desks. It was time to write.

We were tasked with writing a thank you letter to the first responders. This is where my writing finese was supposed to kick in. Up until this point, I had been the lead example of good writing in my elementary school classrooms. I was the star pupil, acing every standardized test that was thrown at me with the zeal that only an excellerated school can muster.

With this blue book came an intense fear. My letter had to be perfect. It had to WIN. For, this was a writing contest. In retrospect, probably my first one. The winning letter would be presented to the first responders.

In my panic, I wrote a lousy piece of writing - and I knew it. The need to be recognized paralyzed me in the moment of execution.

This need to be validated: this is what, rather pathetically, now drives writing on social media. Almost twenty years later, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook have taken over: the short captions we provide to our viewers, or rather ‘followers’, are our chance at winning favor within our community. This brief brush with recognition, like my blue book fiasco, paralyzes us, but in a worse way: we become addicted to the limelight.

I go through my profile on here and delete a lot of things after I write them. I need my writing to be perfect. And maybe that doesn’t make me a ‘good’ writer, but it’s what I have to show the world - my reflections on who I am. Who I want to be, and what I want to achieve. It’s my truth.

I believe social media belittles this effort.

Yes, I have Instagram. Yes, it’s nerve-wracking to post the (seemingly) ‘perfect’ photo. But with filters, what is ‘perfect’? Can we achieve this?

With that being said, in my prose and poetry, I still strive to be that perfect writer. But unlike social media, my writing is in no way filtered.

It’s REAL.

Social media cheapens reality. Good writing - that accentuates what is worthwhile to understand about our world and our place in it. Social media rides that fine line between what is reality and what is filtered - what needs to be ripped up and recycled.

Back to the blue books. Number 2 pencil to paper, that was the beginning of something REAL. Tangible. Even if I failed to deliver. Even if it should have been recycled.

I strive to be good. But I also strive to be real.