my room smells like birthday cake but it’s not my birthday

and i wanted you to know that it's okay to feel sad, because when i'm choking on thorns in my throat, breaking from the pressure of what-ifs and what all i could be, those tears are locked behind the door that my parents forced them behind. because i was sensitive, they told me to stop crying. when i was happy and energetic, they told me to calm down and shut up. when i locked myself in my room, they told me i needed to go out more often, and when i left my room, they asked me what happened to get me to leave it.

so when you're drowning, suffocating, blinded by the shadow of yourself and the thoughts of your mistakes are keeping you up late at night, i want you to know that bottling up everything only creates hell inside of you, but i can't tell you to change. i can't force you to change. but i'm proud of you. even though you've been through nightmares, you still have the capacity to dream of a future that's better than where you are now. because it exists, and it's waiting for you, and it might take a while, but you'll get there.

you will. keep fighting. and it's okay to not always be happy. it's okay to feel numb, it's okay to feel anxious and angry and frustrated because the future doesn't seem as bright as it used to. but it is. it's okay. it will be okay.

you'll just have to see it for yourself when you get to that point in time where you can say that you're okay. and i'll be proud of you, whether i'm there or not.