It’s Human Nature

Okay. Okay, I got this. 20 cans of Red Bull, 10 cans of Monster, a bunch of supplements that I’m not quite sure has any effect whatsoever, and a livestream chat that I have to respond to, or else. Great.

Deep breath in, and begin.

“Ladies and gentlemen, and any other gender whose political correct term I do not know so I will not say in this stream for fear of being bashed, I would like to begin my 36 hours of Presidency with these words, which I hope you will engrave into your heart: I did not ask for this. I do not know whose idea it was to have a random nobody be President for 36 hours, nor do I know who said it was a great idea to have said President become sleep deprived. Perhaps it was a ploy to gain the population’s sympathy for the government, perhaps this farce was created with the thought that it can’t get any worse than this.

I hate to break it to everyone, but it can. And it may. So I sincerely hope that, if any of you viewers have an ounce of love left for this country, please, please, think before you comment.

Now, before we start, there are a few things I want to make sure you viewers understand about the authority of the President.

First off, policies. There is a concept known as the balance of power, which means that, contrary to popular belief, whatever the President says DOES NOT become the law.

Any changes to policies I make as President must go through a number of people whose hobbies I sincerely believe to be wasting everyone’s time through endless, fruitless debates.

However, as this is a livestream, everyone of you will be able to participate in the creation of the changes I will propose through a poll. Those for, press yes, those against press no. Simple, right?

Taking into account the fact that I cannot sleep for 36 hours, it’s without a doubt that my thinking processes will decline. As such, the poll sysytem is a backup plan in which you viewers can help make a change and put your desired effects forward. Therefore, any decisions that will be made regarding America’s current policies will be entirely on you viewers.

Now, let’s begin shall we?”

36 hours later, I sat satisfied on my living room couch. Like I said on the Presidential live stream, I do not know whose idea it was to have a random ordinary person be President. Perhaps the situation has gone so downhill that the government was desperate enough to have one of the nation’s citizens, a person they are supposed to protect, beome a scapegoat for the declining state of America.

But, I thought, as I scrolled down on the trending news on Twitter, the joke’s on them. I did say that all my decisions as President will be on the viewers didn’t I? It’s the entire reason I acted delirious on screen, so that I wouldn’t be blamed entirely for anything I did during that time.

RECENT NEWS:

On the recent Presidential livestream, viewers who have voted against women’s abortion rights have been identified by an unknown hacker, and their houses vandalized. Several of the car malfunctions that have lead to the driver’s deaths may be tied to their choices in the poll. The once peaceful protests for climate change have now become violent, as the protesters can be seen causing property damage to those voters they have identified.

Yeah, the joke’s on them.