Recording

Hey- can you hear me?

I hope I’m using this thing properly, I’ve never had to before.

I suppose I should start before anyone wakes up.

It’s November 2nd, 3am.

Do you remember me?

How you ruined my life?

All I wanted to do was escape you.

But you kept me in your arms.

And mistook that for love.

You never listen to me.

So I’m hoping with what I’m doing here you will finally hear me.

You’ve put me through hell.

I feared when you came home.

I feared your disappointment in me.

I stayed away from you, so I wouldn’t have to be tormented by your rage leftover from work.

Also because of how you gaslighted me all the time.

Right... you probably don’t know what that is.

Gaslighting is when you make someone question reality.

Pretty shitty thing to do huh?

Especially to someone who experiences delusions and psychotic episodes.

Let’s see an example of what you did, shall we?

There was that one time where you tried to tell me I felt better off my meds.

In reality, those pills do nothing to aid my mood.

Being off of them is the same as being on them.

Horrible mood swings, impulsiveness, outbursts, psychotic breaks, and uh suicidal thoughts and or self harm.

Yeah I never told you about those.

I never told you anything because I knew you wouldn’t listen to me.

Last time I opened up about my feelings you said that you thought I was faking this for attention.

Bet that seems pretty stupid to think now doesn’t it?

Hopefully you’ll find this before you find me.

But yeah you’re a lot like my dad now that I think about it.

You two really tortured me the entirety of my life.

You said you’re bad with procrastinating.

I bet you wish you didn’t procrastinate with my mental issues now do you?

Yeah I hope you wish you could’ve known me.

But you were too stubborn to get to know a child you never wanted.

You probably think that I just ran away don’t you?

Do you even know what this is for?

You’ll probably find this in the morning before you’ve realized that I’m not at the house.

So let me tell you if you couldn’t figure it out already.

I’m dead.

Hopefully.

You’ll find out soon enough if I failed this time.

But yeah you did this.

I want you to live with the fact that you directly contributed to this.

You remember when you said that my problems weren’t as bad as yours?

Well because after you said that I prayed to all my deities to be raped by somebody.

So that maybe you would listen to me.

And take me seriously.

I’ve told my friends that I wished my dad wasn’t such a coward.

That I wished he had violated and beat me.

So that then maybe, just maybe, you would help me.

Instead of pushing me further off the edge.

You are a horrible person.

You’re just as bad as your ex-husband.

I hope you live with my death.

I hope I’m always in your mind.

I hope you always hear this when you see pictures of me:

I hate you, you did this to me.

You helped kill me.

You’re the reason I’m dead.

You’re the reason I went ahead and walked all the way to the highway and ran out into the cars.

Why I decided that getting struck by a hunk of metal going 70 miles an hour was better than living in the same house as you.

You did this.

This is your fault.

I hope you never forget that.