Hitler and I

I mirror his stance and for a moment we just appraise each other. I almost want to reach out and touch the infamous moustache, but then I remember myself.

“You know, 2020 is reckoned to be one of the worst years in history.”

He is looking at me with sliced eyes, “You don’t say.”

I nod vehemently, “Yup. There is this virus, covid-19, no one really knows how and when it started exactly, but long story short, there are 1,487,112 deaths till now, according to Worldometers.”

He stood up quickly and started pacing forcefully. He had some toilet paper hanging from his boot, but I thought better than interrupting his musings. “Amazing! 1.5 million deaths! Why, that’s more than the Holocaust!”

“Yeah, well, to be honest this year no one has really thought about the Holocaust...”

“And… and how many Jews were killed?”

I rolled my eyes, “You know, Germany was affected quite badly too, but they are recovering. They are working on a vaccine with the Americans...”

“They are what?!” I could tell I took him by surprise. Just how much access to media did ghosts have?

“Don’t you get news where you are?”

He stopped and looked at me as if I had two heads, “Ja, but you know, I thought it was fake news.”

“I’m sure you would have gotten along great with Donald Trump.”

Hitler made a face in disgust, “That Schmuck? Have you seen his hair? I have more discipline in the hair of my moustache than he has in his entire body!”

Who would have thought that I would agree with Hitler on one point?

“You know, I’ve always wanted to ask you something. You know those quizzes, if you could meet one celebrity, dead and alive, and ask them something, what would it be? Well, I would like to ask how could you sleep at night? Having so many people on your conscience, how could you even sleep?”

“Well, I couldn’t. I used to drink a lot of alcohol and then pass out.”

I blink, expecting for him to elaborate. After a couple of minutes, I realized he had nothing to add. Worst thing, it actually makes sense.

“Do you even regret it? I mean, if you could have a do-over, would you do the same thing?”

He stops pacing and falls into a chair, almost defeated, “I can barely understand what you are saying. Regret? I don’t live for regret. Do-over? We don’t get do-overs in life. If there is anything… Seeing your history from the other side, I realize things have changed. I am not stupid. I guess I would do it differently. You know, setting up concentration camps is a lot of hard work. Logistics, too. It takes a lot of organization. If there is something I understood, is that xenophobia still exists, no matter how evolved a society is. But the weapons have improved. There are no concentration camps, just websites and hateful speech. We don’t need to gas people, just put them aside and cut their wings. Keep social classes separate. Don’t kill people, just don’t offer education, social security, medical insurance. Instigate hate and blame religion. We won’t need to kill people. They won’t even kill each other. Soon they will kill themselves.”

I lurch out and try to hurt him, but he is just a figment of my imagination, so it cannot hurt him.

He stands tall and aloof.

I yell, “You are disgusting! You have been a nightmare in history. You are one of the most despised historical figures. You have no right to judge!”

“The truth hurts, ja? Better blame ole Hitler for all your troubles rather than see the issues at hand, right? Didn’t you just say this virus killed in one year more than the Holocaust?”

I cry now. Not because I feel pity for him, but because I have nothing to throw back. People have evolved. We have better schools, better medicine, better cars, better everything. But are we better? Have we just changed one poison for another?

I look into his eyes again and I can see he expects me to cry out and give up. Give into despair and depression. I can see why he was one master manipulator.

But I won’t let this f***er f**k with me.

“We won’t give in. Yes, the world can look bad from where you are looking, because you only want to see the bad. I choose to see how much we’ve come, and although our world is not perfect, it’s better than how you left it. And it’s an upwards struggle for sure, but I will personally never give up.”

He started laughing, a booming grotesque laughter, “Well, you are childish and prefer to see the world good. That is good for you, but not enough. I am the Fuhrer... I am the only one who can set things right… The Aryans will overcome this... ”

The more he talked, the more his speech seemed to slur, and the words seemed to come from a low frequency radio… It was as if it was a recording of an old speech of his, delivered through time and space.

I woke up with a start. Why would I fall asleep on an audiobook of Mein Kampf? I groggily looked around, trying to grip my surroundings.

I felt like throwing a punch at the recording, but then I turned around and looked out the window. It was a new day. I chose to smile.