Pressure

I wish I would’ve told you no instead of giving in, instead of lying still beneath the crushing weight of your bare skin.

I wish I would have told you go instead of playing cool, for retreating to the girl you knew when we were back in school.

I wish I would’ve said to you my body is my own, and that I owed you nothing, despite the “ass” I’d shown.

I wish I would’ve used my voice and risked your stupid wrath, because your rage would be much better than this self-loathing path.

I wish I would’ve punched you then, when you shared with all your friends.

I wish I would’ve yelled and screamed and not just played pretend.

But instead I swallowed all the pain and seethed like mad inside. It’s so fucked up to betray yourself just to save one young man’s pride. So he doesn’t call you bitch or tease or throw shit against the wall. So he feels like some great giant, when you’ve never felt so small.

And now that I am older I can look back on this and say, that I’ve learned how much I’m truly worth and there’s no way that you could pay. You could promise me the moon and stars and still your tries would fail, because now you’re nothing more to me than a cautionary tale.