What I’m like in love

A letter to the next person who holds my heart

Take a trip inside my heart and learn the ways I see us. In my mind we’re almost never talking. Just experiencing things alongside one another while a current flows between us. I want to compare the sizes of our hands in your car at 2am. I want you to drive me home, knowing our silence can hold our secrets. Your eyes drive me crazy. Eye contact is one of my favorite things with you. And if there’s anything better than that it’s watching you while you’re focused. I wonder if you’re allowing me to look at you. I shamelessly take you in and think you must know. I wonder if when you catch my eye it feels like your soul caught fire. If in that moment you can see us years from now working everything out. I’ll dance around at 9am in your boxers lazilly picking up the house while you shower before work. Do you see that like I see that? Would it look as pretty to you as it does to me? Or would your future look nothing like that? Can I see it anyways? Where we go? To sit six feet from you right now I could give anything. Just let our eyes do the talking. My entire body responds to your presence.

This is not a feeling for words. It’s panic and exhilaration and wanting to tackle you before you finish a sentence. It almost makes me mad. Like seriously, shut up. How do you do that to me. It’s perfect agony. But I want time to get used to you. I want to fall asleep looking from inside my eyes to inside yours knowing I'll feel you get up hours before me because you’re weird like that. I want to be comfortably starstruck by you because this feels a bit vulnerable. Normally I cannot stop talking but you probably think I’m so slow because I literally lose brain function when you blink, or yawn. Like sirens in my noggin I swear. I hope it’s like that for you. You have to know I’m strung out on a line for this when all I muster is a grin for a solid five seconds after you finish talking. I am in overdrive, you scare me and challenge me and excite me all at once. You set me on freaking fire.

Watch me look at you and you’ll know how honestly I mean everything I say. To the person who holds my heart, know that if I am passionate for you it is the most dangerous part of me. You’ll not only have my heart, my desires, my motivation. I’ve always been the type of person who gets paralyzed by love. I sit around and wonder about the fire in your eyes, the movement of your fingers, the way you slowly complicate my life. The truth is, you make my chemicals go bonkers. Absolutely haywire. Hold this truth gently. I will break for you, not because of you. When my eyes take rolling trips over your shoulders know that I’m not worshipping your shell. I’m searching for your soul. You are striking. Be careful with me please. I’m all in.