A Boundless Ocean of Emotions
Before I write, let me preface this. I know I haven't been posting a lot. I miss it, but I've been undergoing a lot of scary and unknown health issues that has made it difficult to continue to write. I'm just beginning to get answers, but there are still many unknowns and my life is continually impacted every day. I hope to soon get back to writing more frequently. While I was meditating tonight and working my way through some of the intense emotions surrounding this, I had a particularly interesting experience that I thought I would share. It was very on-point for what I think many of us are feeling right now, regardless of the circumstances causing it. Maybe, just maybe, if we can share and relate to one another's emotions during such a turblent time, we'll come out the other side. I hope that this experience resonates with some of you, and you find some comfort in the fact that there are lots of us out there who are experiencing similar emotions right now. Anyway, here goes, hope you enjoy...
Oozing, festering, rotting, hot molten lava. It's flowing through my body, growing, taking up every nook & cranny of my body, seeping through all the croacks & crevices, spilling into all the empty spaces of my soul. Where has this anger been hiding? I don't know how long it's been there, but it has the aura of an eternity. It's eating away at my soul. What does it need? Sensing a feeling of longing to be heard, I surrender my higher self to the anger.
I watch my higher fall into the oozing molten lava. I allow my higher self to be bathed in the scorching heat and liquid fire. I feel the anger quickly rise and expand, filling the few remaining crevices that were previously empty. For a brief moment, I'm entirely consumed. My higher self evaporates with the heat, my body boiling over with the lava.
I've now become the anger and oozing molten liquid. Soon the liquid cools and my higher self resolidifies. I hear my higher self ask, 'what is your purpose here, what is it you need'? In the blink of an eye, the lava consumes her once more, somehow expanding even more than before. Soon it begins to cool and ebb.
She asks yet again 'what is your purpose, what do you need'? No answer returns my cries. Over and over she repeats the question. 'What is your purpose, what do you need?' Silence continues to fall on exasperated ears. She asks once more, about to give up. 'What is your purpose, what do you need?'
At last, before the words even finish escaping her lips, a response comes through. The now semi-solidified ooze all at once becomes a river of tears. She is now treading water in an endless ocean of tears. A soft voice gently replies 'I just want to be noticed, be heard, be cared for and loved'.
Just like that, the ocean shrivels into a small puddle. It's now easily engulfed in the arms of my higher self. The now-puddle is cradled in the arms the way a mother cradles a newborn infant. And just like a new mother, she begins to rock the puddle. Each gentle sway of the arms slowly soothing away the pain. As the puddle slowly disappears, she begins to walk away. 'Not yet-don't leave me yet', a soft voice desparately pleads. And so my higher self continues to rock until there's nothing left to soothe to sleep.