SANTY CLAUSE AIN’T COMING TO TOWN

So, the big fat guy thought he was smart and safe from the law by living far away up there in the North Pole. Let’s face it, how often does anyone travel up there? And, why bother going there when the only occupants were a big old fat guy and his fat wife and a bunch of misfit elves that were so stupid that they worked for free. Fatso thought he was clever and that no one would ever suspect him of being a bad guy or that he would ever get caught. Who doesn't trust Santa Claus?

Well, I don't trust him and I have a bone to pick with that fat old man. When I was little he never answered my letters. I know that he got my ‘Dear Santa’ letters even though I lived on the streets but he purposely chose not to grant me my wishes. My God, how cruel could he be?

All I asked for was a little food to eat. One Christmas I didn’t even ask him for any toys - all I asked for was for him to make my mom get better. I even found the guts a couple of times to sit on his lap and give him my wish list while he sat his fat ass on a box on the corner of a street. Yeah, his eyes twinkled, all right; probably from the dope he was high on. He always had that pipe in his mouth but it certainly wasn’t any tobacco smell that was making clouds of smoke around his head. He actually laughed at me and his belly did shake like a bowl full of jelly - he laughed so hard that his beard fell off and I saw this row of black rotten teeth and eyes that weren’t very merry. I knew then that he was a fake.

Well, my mom died that Christmas and it's Santa’s fault 'cuz he didn't grant me my wish. I stood there watching him for a long time and it wasn't a bunch of kids standing in line asking him for favors. No, it was a bunch of dopers and he musta handed out hundreds of packets of dope to those dopers and he musta made oodles of money.

So, I planned and planned and waited and waited and finally got a job as one of his treasured elves and watched him carefully. He’s was so stupid and was so full of dope all of the time that he never recognized me as the little boy who asked him one Christmas not to let his mother die.

Well, this Christmas I stole Santy's stash of dope so he was forced to take a little trip down to the big city to get a little more dope for the holidays. I had sent a telegram to the cops down there and they were waiting for him when he dropped out of his sleigh and copped some dope.

When they arrested Santy he was so high that he thought it was funny and all he could say was, "Ho Ho Ho!"

So boys and girls, sorry to say that Santy aint't coming to town this year - but, at least you'll be safe from that dopey Santa.

Merry Christmas!