i’m sorry for saying the things in my head that you aren’t saying, but, oh, you must mean. i am sorry.

stand / sit / live and breathe / every single thing i've done / this day feels like / dreaming backwards in / bloody lakes and oceans / feel the salt rising up to my chin / close my eyes against the water / wanting to meet its similarity / my eyes feel tight, today / like i can't really see / not through the fog wafting over me / and it's a little dis- / -orientating /

i wonder, somewhat / idly and guiltily / if you are only speaking of the / things i've done because / you don't know what else to / speak about and of me / wish i'd stop saying in my head / what you don't say / but, oh, you must mean /

i need to set up / a keyboard, today, / need to learn how to play / (do i really want to) / (learn the way i think i ought to be) / (i think i ought not to) / before i can play these / words i've written, / these words just ready to / burst from my skin /

i am tired / i am tired of not / being okay and having it / hurt those around me, make them / afraid - i am tired / of feeling and going down / blackened / bruised / spirals of depression / when someone says / 'you don't seem okay' / or even the words 'you' / 'are making me afraid' / I DON'T WANT TO / i am tired i / am tired, i / am tired, i / am tired, i / am tired. /