i wish i could go back

dear me,

when you grow older there will be a time when you're surrounded by thin, beautiful girls, you'll see them all over magazines, in school, and on social media,

and they're smiling, they're laughing, their life is "perfect", they're "perfect",

and you'll aspire to be like them, and risk it all for this "perfection",

now you may not believe me when i say this,

you're happy right now, carefree if even, but society gets to everybody after awhile,

but you can choose to not listen,

if you don't listen you save yourself from losing the rest of your childhood to anorexia,

a terrible illness that corrupts your life,

making your heart, and mind ache constantly,

and your stomache rumbles often,

what if i told you that eating your favourite foods in the whole entire world like pizza or chocolate chip cookies was impossible?

that all of your morals were abandoned from the minute you let the monster inside your head,

and you hate every minute of it,

and i hate seeing myself this way too,

i hate being afraid of foods i love, i hate lying to those i love, i hate that my body physically cannot do the things i love, i hate that i hate myself,

and this isn't you, and you don't have to let this happen,

society is tough, and expects too much of us,

but if you don't listen to society, and find your independence you'll turn out so much better than just conforming,

you are beautiful as you are,

with your bright blue eyes, golden curls, and warm smile,

but that's only the surface layer, looks aren't everything, remember this for later,

you possess the best gift of all, your heart of gold,

i admire your genuine kindness, especially to yourself,

and in your young age you have better morals than i do now,

and i wish i could be you, i wish i could go back,

because i would be in a completely different situation without this disorder,

you have the chance to make a better life for yourself without this,

and i can see you going far,

if you don't let this happen, you'll definetely get into a great university, you'll probably even graduate highschool early, and will be one step closer to doing what you think your purpose is, helping others,

you'll be able to have and maintain good, healthy relationships with those that you love, something i can only envy the potential of having,

and you can accept your body as a home, not a warzone

so do what you like, be carefree, and don't try to grow up as fast as i did,

staying kind and true to yourself will save you