The same words over and over again scattered all over the floor.

I was fortunate to be left only with a minor cold following the storm. Despite my cousin’s dismay over my voice having diminished overnight, she patiently listened as I recounted the day before. For the first time since I knew her she appeared uncertain.

“This is the first time you’ve opened up to somebody since you’ve moved here. Do you think you’ll find each other again?”

Although I hoped we would, I was afraid—what if he discovered an aspect of me that drove him away?

“What are you afraid he might discover?”

Hands folded patiently in her lap, she nodded in tacit acknowledgement as I confessed to feeling I was no one worth getting to know. Having to move all the time growing up, I confessed to having to leave everything behind. I could not become someone. If I had, it was not someone who even I had gotten to know.

“Don’t believe yourself! Being well-traveled makes you special. Everyone tells me they find you interesting and that they look forward to getting to know you more!”

I appreciated her condolences. However, I lamented, Mother was the only one who knew me. Like my past, I was forced to leave her behind.

I didn’t realize I was sobbing until my cousin put her arms around me. Needing to breathe, I broke from her embrace. Checking that my keys were in my pocket, I escaped the apartment.

-------------------

Despite having been on its way to recovery at dawn, the day had reverted to its dreary conditions by dusk. His raincoat was so bright that I felt compelled to offer him reprieve from the rain. Suddenly lit by headlights, he hesitated, appearing even more disheveled and disarrayed. About to refuse, he reconsidered, realizing I was a woman. He tentatively ducked into the backseat, shaking the droplets off his coat as he did so. His consideration assured me he was safe. Although shivering, he smiled warmly and expressed his gratitude. There was something about him that was comforting and familiar.

“Thank you for helping me out. The weather is terrifying—I nearly drowned!”

I told him it was the least I could do and confessed that I needed directions. He smiled and pulled a phone from his pocket. Seeing it had finished computing, he passed it to me from the backseat. I couldn’t help but feel in awe, seeing the world mapped on its screen. It was as though one could contain the world in their pocket. It reminded me of the albums my Mother and I made as we searched to find where we belonged.

“I hope that’s helpful. Let me know if you need anything else.”

Something bothered me. I inquired how he found himself left in the storm.

“I’m dressed to outlast anything, but the weather still took me by surprise.

When I woke this morning, the sky was so clear I thought I could walk to where I was going.”

He had prepared for the worst but was taken off guard. Mother’s illness was similar, I thought I was prepared, yet the worst was sinister and unsettling. The day I turned twenty-one, I returned home after having said farewell at the hospital. In my absence, an open window had welcomed the wind to invade. The wind disturbed the cards on the table, leaving them strewn in disarray. The same words over and over again scattered all over the floor: Happy Birthday! I hope your wish comes true! If only I had known earlier that my wish was to be blown out by the wind.

At that moment, the phone lost service. I returned his phone and pulled by the side of the road.

“Are you alright? We should be careful and wait until the storm subsides.”

A flicker from the backseat—he was checking the time. My mind was racing but going nowhere.

“No need to worry—At this moment we may feel trapped but we can escape if we think about something else…

For instance, we could share stories to take ourselves somewhere else and forget we’re here.

As they say, getting lost in a memory takes one out of the present and into the past.”

My cousin held the same belief, but as a pessimist. She admonished me for dwelling on the past, warning me I was forfeiting my future. That I was allowing life to pass me by.

“...Rain or shine, I have a deadline to meet tomorrow morning. I have to submit a script to introduce a lead role. Have any ideas?”

I reflected on what he had mentioned earlier. Perhaps, I suggested, if a memory reflected one’s past, then a relationship might reflect one’s character? He brightened at this suggestion and decided to introduce the lead through an exchange between him and his closest friend.

--------------------------------

Reflecting back on that night, I realized that he had saved me. I had languished ever since I lost my Mother. I would ruminate on every photograph we took together, trying to find who I was to her. But his musings that night made me realize I couldn’t find myself this way. Instead, I needed to find myself through the eyes of those who cared about me.

The day I turned twenty-one I returned home after saying farewell at the hospital.

An open window welcomed the wind to invade.

The cards on the table were abandoned and left strewn in disarray;

The same words over and over again scattered all over the floor:

Happy Birthday! I hope your wish comes true!

Gathering their well-wishes as I picked myself up from the floor, I resolved to make plans with old friends.