blue ribbon

the deadline

was three o' clock,

and the time

was two thirty.

the yellow envelope

felt heavy in my hands-

like it was filled

with rocks.

and not paper,

a story printed

on it.

unedited and raw.

i turned

it in

and walked

away,

cheeks

flushed.

i

never

had

a

chance.

***

the walls

were lined

with portraits

of ink and paint.

all the words

in a single binder,

i look at mine

and don't recognize

them anymore.

tight dress,

and tight shoes.

maroon and silver.

i didn't know

why i was

there,

but i wandered

anyway,

taking it

all

in.

***

the theater

was crowded,

scattered with

strange voices.

the girl on the stage

was someone i

vaguely knew.

she read out the

names and i clung

to them at first,

perhaps

the stars had crossed

and an honorable

mention or

third place

would tumble onto

my shoulders.

but they passed,

unfamiliar.

second place

arrived and faded,

fluttered away

like a dying

moth.

i almost

didn't hear

it,

as she announced

something

that i given up

looking for

in september.

i almost didn't

catch it when

she said

my name.