The Art of Letting Go

“I want to stop chemo,” Vidhya said softly, though she knew he heard her. The words had been stuck in her throat for the past few months now. She was tired and weak and she was going to die. She knew it was just a matter of time, the cancer had progressed too far and there was no point in continued treatment. She knew the end was coming, but first, she wanted to live a little.

“We can’t stop now,” Rohan said, anger rising in his voice. Vidhya knew it wasn’t her he was angry yet, but Rohan was impulsive and she was scared he’d do something he’d regret. “We can’t stop now, the doctors say with more treatment you could get better. It’s still possible,’’ he pleaded. They both knew what he was saying wasn’t true. The doctors said that all more treatment could do was buy time. Time she wished she spent outside of the hospital room.

“You know that’s not true,” she said carefully. Vidhya was all Rohan had left. She loved her little brother, but she knew he could not sway her decision.

“Maybe it could be true, please, just keep doing it for a few more months,” he pleaded again. He couldn’t lose her, not after all they’d gone through. “I can’t live without you.’”

Now that was a punch in the gut. The reason she had taken treatment for so long was to keep him hopeful. She was afraid of what might happen to him after she left. He was only 19 and didn’t trust the world. She had saved some money, though the cancer treatment had been eating at her savings. The money wasn’t what she was worried about though, she was more worried about leaving him alone. She wanted him to go out and make friends, but he seemed to spend his life trapped in this hospital room with her. Her treatment wasn’t helping anyone and it was time to end it.

“I’ve made my decision,” she said finally, her voice firmer than it was before. “I love you chinnu, but it is time for me to go. Don’t make it harder for me than it is already.”

She looked tired, and Rohan knew she was, but if she stopped now she could die in months. His sister deserved more than this short life. He thought chemo could prolong it, but deep down he knew that this wasn’t the life she wanted to live. With her time left, she could travel and see the world. He knew this, yet there was something so hard about letting go. He wanted her to stay with him, he couldn’t face this cruel world alone.

“Alright, ” he whispered, tears running down his cheeks. He didn’t like it. He didn’t want to lose her, but it was time his sister came home.