because of him

i was eighteen when he came into my life. there had been others

before him, though i swore to my mother he was different.

i promised my best friends that there was he was unlike any other

guy i'd met, i thought he was good. i told him my dreams and fears

and secrets and everything that makes up the person that i am.

he knew how afraid i was of being hurt, of being abondoned like

i had before. and still, he did to me everything he promised he would'nt.

i woke up one morning, alone with out a goodbye and reason behind

it. that was the first day that i had to live without a heart inside

by body. it was the type of heartbreak that made it comepletely unable

to breathe. and this followed for the next eight months. i'd stay

awake until two am, overthinking about how i wasnt enough and

what i could have done better to want him to stay. when i went

on with my days, something as little as glancing at a baskteball would

remind me of him, taking my breath away for the next few seconds.

love songs would be skipped immediately unless i was alone and

able to cry along to them. dreams of him were unbearable, waking

up to the realization that it was no where near reality made the pain

resurface all over again. its the type of pain that makes a person

terrified to ever fall in love again because heartache like that should

only be felt once in ones lifetime.