Dating 101

Good morning class and welcome to Dating 101. My name is Dr Russell and I will be your instructor. This is an elective class and as such you are here of your own free will. Which means, I expect you to be here of your own free will. You are all young. Naive. Foolish. I haven't time for your egos or humor or opinions of how you're story is somehow special and uniquely exempt from logic and custom. You are not special. That said, let us begin.

For lesson one we will be discussing the two most vital components of any intended romance. The first component is rather obvious, and that is to be oneself. That is to say your normal, everyday self. It is inadvisable to put your best foot forward, but rather your real foot. The second component is rather complex, so stay with me. The second component is to keep your worst foot from every showing its vile self until after such a time as a ring is both offered and accepted. Let us begin by examining an example of leading with your worst foot forward. You will notice written on the board behind me a rather idiotic ad placed on the missed connections section of Craigslist.

"Looking for a collage young girl to hang and have fun with grab drinks at a bar I'm young 22 years old 5"9 140lbs good looking shot an email and I'll send a pic you won't be disappointed"

This particular young man has concluded that college girls either don't know how to spell "college" or simply find a less intelligent mate appealing. This is the wrong foot. Also, the phrase "young girl" is a redundancy that insinuates a sexual deviation similar to that of a molester. Once again, this is the wrong foot. Next we see the order is illogical at best. The correct order is "grab drinks, hang and have fun." The current wording suggests sober intercourse in a bar bathroom, resulting in guilt drinking. This is also the wrong foot. Furthermore you will see that this male believes his greatest virtue to be that he is of average height and weight and lacking any remarkable trait whatsoever. A rather unremarkable foot as well. Lastly, he either wants a mate prone to violence against digital communication or he intended to say "shoot" in reference to the desired email. Assuming one of you young ladies is foolish enough to find any rational attraction, I concur with his assumption that you will not be disappointed. I presume you lack to ability to be disappointed by a male in any fashion. If any young ladies fit that description, please see me after class for drinks. That concludes our discussion for the day. I will see you Thursday.