_ Admit _
you asked me
why i am
always alone.
i didn't respond.
Not because i didn't want to
But because even i didn't know why.
i just looked at you
and thought
'how nice it is to be yourself'
i then decided to give you
a genuine smile.
but then, you asked me
why i was crying.
you were confused.
i could read through
the twitching
of your eyes
and the way you
stared at me
that you were thinking
i was sick, strange, and cold.
i didn't reply,
and keep looking at you.
i wondered
'why i always feel empty
when someone tries to get
closer.'
i tried to tell you
about my pain
and my reality
but the words
never got past
my trembling lips.
you didn't see them shaking.
you didn't see me
shaking as i recalled
my rare moment of
false happiness.
you thought that
i was ignoring you,
that i was.... i
don't know...
maybe you thought
that i was
An absolute asshole
for keeping the
silence between us.
i wasn't ignoring you.
i was recalling
my loneliness.
all the time
i smiled
without feeling anything.
all the time
i laughed
but felt empty inside.
all the time
i joked around
tearing my inside
to hold back the truth.
I just..
i just didn't know what to tell
you.