Salty Tears

I sat on the wooden bench in the funeral church. I heard crying everywhere. I smelled tears. Very salty tears.

There were people left and right. My family, my friends, and people who I never met. Too much crying. I already wasted my tears before. Can a person waste their tears?

I hated the lighting here. Too bright. Ugly. Why so bright?

One by one, most people stepped up to the front of the funeral church to say their speeches. I’m guessing they wanted to say some things.

She was a bright girl with an amazing future.

Bright girl? Future?

She was loved by all.

Loved by ... all?

She was talented.

Was ... talented?

They probably got bewitched from the bright lights.

I watched as my mom walked up in front of the funeral church.

She had the most amazing smile. She was an inspiration to all of us. Her ... her last words to me were that if she was gone, nobody would care ... I wish I could say something. I wish I could save her and I hate myself for being too late. I ...

I jumped from my seat but quickly sat down.

Nobody noticed.

I guess I am not noticeable. That’s fine.

My mom continued talking, but I couldn’t hear her.

I scanned the people in the church.

The girl was loved by all.

So many people.

Why do I feel guilt?

Do I regret it?

No, I don’t.

I’m okay.

Before I knew it, I was following my family up the stairs. I don’t really feel my legs. But, that’s fine.

There was a coffin in front of the room. I wonder how that got there. My other relatives were whispering words towards the coffin. When it was my family’s turn, they put objects into the coffin.

A stuffed dog.

A puffed-up star sticker.

A paintbrush.

A paper.

I liked those objects.

We know that you like these objects. Your sister and brother chose them specifically for you.

They were also talking to the coffin. Funny. It wasn’t like the dead body can hear.

What if it was not a dead body? Oh boy, that would make a funny story.

I squeezed myself in between my parents.

We love you.

I stared inside the coffin and screamed, but nobody noticed.

We miss you.

I screamed louder, feeling my heart plummeting. I felt like throwing up.

I wish you knew that before you were gone.

Tears erupted in my eyes as I collapsed on the floor.

Nobody noticed.

Please ...

The dead body ...

Please continue being strong. Live free and rest in peace.

That dead body was me.