Depression is Like Dinner

Dinner is just not dinner to someone who is sad. It's the draining energy of getting out of the house. Putting on real clothing and shoes take so much time and making sure to remember your wallet and finding your debt card turns into another frenzied search. Walking to your dirty car that needs new windshield wipers and an oil change and forgetting your keys. Walking back, digging into your pockets to find your house key to unlock the front door with the fading and peeling gray paint and then tripping on the last porch step that has been loose for over a year, is ridiculous. Finally pulling out of your drive way, you notice you are low on fuel and the red arrow is past the white E, you make it to the mouth of the gas stations driveway and your cars dies. It's having to pay for a little red plastic tank to pump gas into to walk the twenty five steps to your in the way car that people are honking at. When you get to the store, a loose shopping cart quickly drifts into your door leaving a small dent and a stratch. You end up taking the cart inside and one of the wheels is bent and makes a loud squeak sound as you try to steer it straight. It's finding old welted vegtables, expired milk and coffee creamer, decaying fruit and dented cans of soup. It's seeing your hideous reflection in the doors of the frozen products but that balled up mess of sloppiness, wrinkled pet hair covered clothes, and oily slept-on hair that cannot be you. It's carrying heavy plastic bags that either split open and break or cut off blood flow to your wrist and fingers. It's the annoying drive back to the house where you are stuck at every red light and almost re-ended. It's heaving those disaposalable bags to the kitchen and dropping a can of green beens on top of your foot.

It's putting everything away and noticing you already had some or you got the wrong flavor. It's half-heartedly making an okay meal, burning your thumb on the hot pan and spilling food making stains that will need to be scrubbed off. It's having to wash the dishes and sweep up the crumbs.