Dear God

Dear God,

If the sky opens up and nothing comes down, are you opening your mouth to speak to us? When we see a rainbow, and not everyone can see it, are you saying something that only the blessed can hear?

I think we are all God’s children. I only, however, believe in you in the most spiritual sense. I feel the sun on my cheeks and that is a divine priviledge, but this could also be because the Big Bang created what I am experiencing. In my boyfriend’s high school science class at his Christian school, they told him evolution is a theory. I don’t think it is. I called him “Jesus Thirst” in my phone for a while before we got serious, because he had experienced school dances where you had to keep Jesus between you and your dance partner.

I think we see what some people would consider to be blessings, and attribute this to a higher power. People say, it was meant to be. But it’s not. It’s merely happenstance. The apple fell from the tree to tempt us, but the universe only really reacts to the science behind it. We thirst for meaning in what is actually just what exists: nothing out of the ordinary, nothing extraordinary. We put away our desire to be special and nod to the reality of our random existence on earth.

Some people, however, nod to you. I do not fault them for this. It is a calming experience to feel like someone is controlling your fate, perhaps. That someone is choosing your path for a reason, and you must accept it for what it is. There’s nothing wrong with this. Comfort is important. I’m merely saying that this is not the path I choose to follow. On reckoning day, I will surely go to the pits of hell. I will experience everything I’ve done wrong in flames. I am okay with this, like how I ponder black holes and wonder when we’ll be sucked in.

God, I am happy as I am. If you have any part of this, I thank you. I have been lucky, blessed with a good fate. Perhaps this is divine, and perhaps it is not. Perhaps I see rainbows only because you have placed a sign in my life: beauty is divine.

Perhaps it is.

I look at the stars and wonder about my place in the universe, and I look up to whoever has placed me here.