Man Up

I long and I ache for a life that’s not mine

I’m simply expressing my feelings

When you say that I bitch and I whine

I’m growing older and weaker by the day

Every second, every minute

One step closer to the worms and decay

I suffer from a number of things

Your lack of empathy for one

But also the vice from this ring

Eight years have gone and nothing has changed

I’ve lost myself in hopes of finding you

The woman I once was

Now a psycho, deranged

But enough about me...

How is my hubby doing?

Why is your face all red?

Is it because of that girl you’ve been screwing?!

Oh, honey of courseeeeeee I know about her

She’s really quite nice

And luckily for you, she doesn’t care about size

Did you know?

The doctor thought that I was silly

“Ma’am did you mean IUD?”

I told him

“Both prevent kids but only one preserves life

I’ll give you a hint

It’s not the one that keeps me shackled

As husband and wife”

He couldn’t understand what I’ve gone through

Once again, a man mistook something for mE

As something for yoU

So my answer is no

No more procedures

No more implants

It takes two to tango

Yet I find myself alone in this dance

I will not hurt myself on account of you

Eight years wasted

I’m not ready for round two

I’m sorry my has-been husband

It’s time you walk the walk

Unless you want to spend the rest of your days

Smothering your children in socks

It’s long overdue

We have to get you snipped

Like a dog at the vet

We’ll get you all fixed

Go on now and grab your keys

Pedal to the medal

You’ve got a woman to please

We’re not going to break up

Because now you’ll be better

A man who shows up

The man who doesn’t complain

A man with no ifs ands or buts

I’m sorry my has-been husband

It’s time to man up