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what does it feel like to live in your body?
where does it ache? do you have back pain? what does it feel like to look in the mirror? to take up space as you? to walk a step in your shoes? what do you carry in your heart? what does the world look like through your eyes? tag me pls :)
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Sydneyjay
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Body in soul, mind, repute & face...

Body in soul.

It’s clean, it is not clean. It’s with me, it’s not. I can never be so sure. I know nothing about my soul. I think I wouldn’t know until the day I have read about in the holy books. Recompense. Judgement.

Body in soul can only hope. Hope I’m doing the right thing, hope my soul hasn’t gone dark and ugly. As far as I know, only one person knows the truth about my soul. And it’s not me.

Body in mind.

A beautiful mess, ugly mess. Beautiful pain, beautiful darkness. Ugly calm and ugly redemption. Never ever in one peace, never in one piece. My mind is the most fragile yet the most powerful. There is always something to think about, ideas churning and overlapping. I don’t stop thinking about one thing before another comes in. Thank stars for mental to-do lists which exist in my mess of words and non-words. In my mind, I’d decide to take a nap but then jump up at the first glimpse of an idea or another task to be completed. To be in my mind is to be stuck driving so fast for the rest of your life. It is to be in the ocean. Upclose, it’s disturbing and crazy but from afar, it is quite attractive, if I say so myself. Even though it means having a figurative headache everyday.

But to be in my mind is to wonder. What if? To be in my mind is to ask, what makes me so special when there are billions more like me? To be in my mind is to always see the bigger picture, every person alive filled into that world map in your geography class, and know that you are not special. A grain of rice in a sack grains.

Body in repute.

As I power-walk down the stairs, down the corridor, into the Principal’s Office, I know everyone is watching. If, perhaps they do not admire anything else about me, they admire my courage, outer dignity and attitude to work. My reputation preceeds me, so to speak. I’m that smart person who is some people’s role model. The one peope trust to get things done. Always thinking about speaking to the Principal on behalf of the people, going to the principal’s office to discuss college applications just so he can notice that I’m once again, being one step ahead of every other person. Striving for my future.

I guess the body in my repute is a lot better than the one in my mind. It's roses and violets. Asters and hyacinths with just a teeny tiny bit of weed. It’s impressive. The only other thing anyone’s reputation can be aside from disappointing.

Body in skin, body and face.

Sensitive. Interesting. Plain. Feels good sometimes. Other times, it’s just terrible. As I said, sensitive, that is, cannot be discussed. In other words, confidential. In other words, I’ll prefer not to talk about it. You’d have to meet me to know. Maybe someday. Hope I haven’t already come on too strong.

Love,

Hazel A. McLean

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